Status Change: Married

isn't it always the case that the girl who thinks she's least likely to get married ends up married? and isn't it always a cliche to think that about oneself? well, check and check, self. so guess what? now you are someone's wife. that means for life. and how do you feel about it? perfectly delighted. ok, good, now let's stop talking about ourselves in the second person and get to that wedding thing.


going to the chapel and we're gonna get ma-a-a-ried.


my eyelashes were fake. that fearful look was real.

leading up to the wedding, i can't say things were perfectly delightful. even though we didn't exactly have a proper wedding, just a courthouse ceremony, there was still plenty of stress involved. i can't imagine how much worse it would have been if we had planned for 150 guests, but even with less than 20, there was still much hand-wringing, phone calls, budgeting, discussions and compromises to be made.

 
ready to live happily ever after.

 
getting married solves all your relationship problems, right?

i suppose like it does for many other brides, all that stress did take the sparkle out of my big day -- until the actual big day when everything magically fell into place. but considering that i was eight months pregnant and also scrambling to prepare for baby and baby shower while still working full-time plus freelance, the ceremony did sometimes feel like just another agenda item to check off my lengthy To Do list. and when i did finally check it off, i can't deny that the perfect delight was mixed with a large dose of relief.


happy to have found a wall to lean against.

 
boobs and roses. i gots them.


hoping the classy pearls deflect from my pregnant belly

it goes without saying that every little girl's dream is having a shotgun wedding at the local courthouse while eight months pregnant, and i am no exception. but if i had to do it all over again, i wouldn't change a thing. scratch that, i would be less visibly pregnant but definitely still pregnant enough to show, as having a baby bump meant i didn't have to endure a liquid diet leading up to the wedding or suck in my gut during any of the photos.


his is new and made of cobalt; hers is a family heirloom provided by his mother.


my prince charming


with his best friends, Danny and Alex

at least i know i got the groom part right. even though i don't think i'm yet qualified to discuss marriage with any authority, given my limited experience as a newlywed of six months, i do know that when i considered marrying Warren, the thought didn't make me panic or plan an escape to Canada, as it had with every previous man i dated. i knew with Warren i felt calm, safe, even lucky.


my secret is out: i'm a big ole crybaby.

so on Friday, February 20, 2015, in front of a handful of family and friends who are like family -- some of whom flew into town just for the weekend -- we went to the Beverly Hills Office of the Registrar-Recorder to join our lives together in perpetuity. the ceremony lasted less than 10 minutes and was performed by a Justice of the Peace we met only minutes before.


i chose wisely.

there was a glass for Warren to smash at the end to make it a proper Jewish-esque wedding, after which everyone yelled "MAZEL TOV!" sadly, there was no Hora chair lifting going on since, you know, eight months pregnant. plus, we had a 15-minute maximum to spend in the chapel before the next couple was ushered in to have their own happiest day of their lives.


sealed with a smooch


with my mom and pops, my marriage role models who have 45+ years of wedded bliss and strife to their credit. crazier yet is that they still like each other.

the ceremony moved quickly and was a bit of a blur. what i do remember is liking what the Justice of the Peace said during his opening speech and especially the vows he asked us to recite to each other. i also remember the Justice asking Warren whether he was from Crimea since he couldn't figure out the country code "CRI" that was on our marriage license. we told him we would have a vacation home in Costa Rica one day, where he could visit at any time.


ours is an LA Story.


too much pressure from his hand and i might wet myself.

all that vow-taking and commitment-making worked up our appetites, so we had the wedding party mozy over to one of my favorite Spanish restaurants in Los Angeles: La Paella, where Warren and i had a reconnaisance date night a month earlier to decide on a menu for our post-wedding lunch. the place, obviously, is known for its authentic paella, which include a black squid ink variety that does not disappoint. i can't say enough great things about this place and the manager, Pasqual, who provided five-star service while not charging us a cake-cutting or corkage fee for the dessert and bottles of vodka we brought in.


freshly made surf and turf paella


the black squid ink paella 


the esteemed guests partaking in hijinks and hilarity.

lunch lasted about two hours and brought together a motley of our families and closest friends. if i could do it over again, i would have invited twice as many people as several of my favorite faces were missing from the crowd that day. on the flipside, having less than 20 people present created an intimacy that a larger wedding could never replicate.


my dad giving a characteristically long-winded toast that could have been summed up with "welcome to the family, warren!"


these two are colluding against me, i just know it. 


with the first and enduring love of my life. daddy's girl forever!

despite my usually obscene appetitie while pregnant, i remember eating very little at lunch and mostly wishing i could drink. after the whirlwind of planning, rushing, parking, pictures, vows and tears, i wanted nothing more than to sit down and have a bottle of expensive wine all by myself, but managed only a few sips of sangria during toasts. yes, i drank while pregnant. alert the authorities.


toasting my beloved. 


with my torrero. orale!

as a bonafide Russian and my father's daughter, i also gave a characteristically long-winded toast. i started by first thanking all the special people in the room, who survived every cut to make a very short list of 20 esteemed guests, for spending their friday with us, work be damned. i also extended a special thanks to my mom for the prep help, which included furnishing the bouquet, cake, vodka, plastic shot glasses and real glass for Warren to step on during the ceremony.

all the love in the room was palpable and bouyant, and i spoke of how it carried us to our wedding day and will see us through the many days that follow, some of them certainly less happy. i thanked everyone for the support offered to us as a couple and to our then unborn child, who was very much wanted and will be lucky to learn from the people who've already given us so much. then i turned my focus to my new husband, also very much wanted, whom i thanked for everything, everything in the most cliche way possible that may have included calling myself "the luckiest girl in the world." i meant every word.


wedded bliss began with paella


cake topper with pregnant bride, courtesy of my mom and a google image search.


for the life of me, i cannot remember what was in this cake. maybe lemon? there were cupcakes also. i ate all the red velvet ones. that part i do remember.

after lunch, we headed to a park in Beverly Hills to take some more glamour shots among the dying daylight. to be honest, this part of the day felt silly to me with all the posing and prolonged kissing to get a shot. plus, the exhaustion from the long day began to set in as my makeup began to bleed, making for a very short photo session of giggling and "are we done yets?"


keep that tongue in your mouth, buddy.


among dead roses and our light bouncer, Alex, i found true love.


are we done yet?

when the day concluded and we arrived home to marvel at the fact that we joined our lives together in perpetuity, the conversation went something like, "that was fun. how about a nap?" we woke up 12 hours later. then, clumsily and carefully, we consummated our marriage via a little game i had perfected during my pregnancy called "if you want it, you're going to have to do all the work."


signed, sealed and delivered

fast forward six months and one baby, and our lives are still joined together in perpetuity, though now mired in poopy diapers, tired eyes and the squeals of one particular infant who loves waking up at 4:30 in the morning. i'm guessing the first six months of our marriage are atypical by conventional standards, and i admit they have been challenging given our new bundle of love and sleep deprivation, but they have also felt very solid.

of course, our union is far from perfect and there is plenty i would eagerly change about him, but those things (thankfully) don't number in the hundreds (close to five). i'll avoid mentioning them here out of respect for his privacy but they may have something to do with his OCD tendencies that have spawned a few lectures about how to load the dish rack "correctly," which, sadly, doesn't resemble the imaginative Jenga art installation that is my specialty.


he gets this look at least five times a day.


also a five-time-a-day occurrence.

more importantly, when i consider having a son with him -- which, hey, we just had! -- and should that son turn out exactly like his father, the thought makes me smile and never once wince. if that alone isn't reason to marry a man, perhaps the fact that Warren is an exceptional lover, a great cook, a kind person, a good communicator, likes being productive, shares my sense of humor, keeps the house tidy, is incredibly reliable and the best kisser point to other good reasons.


are we really going to do this?


yeah, we got this.

that's how i know i married the right person, found after a lengthy search full of many disastrous detours, all of which i can now appreciate for helping me fine-tune my search parameters. and though i do wish i found him a little sooner and that we could have enjoyed more time as a childless married couple, i'll just put those wishes in the same jar that the wish for the dream wedding went into. we have been doing things out of order since we met, so perhaps we'll plan the dream wedding for our sixties when we can enjoy the childless life.


getting married is so much fun.



so now comes the happily ever after part, which i'm sure will resemble every fairy tale with a prince, princess and evildoer trying to secretly unwrangle the happy couple's happiness (children?). so far, our happiness has been overshadowed by the logistics of scheduling, housework, sleep schedules, dog duties and trash collection, especially since i've returned to working full-time. but i think this is what marriage really is: it's the mundane, the humdrum, the trenches.

it's getting through the daily duties together, often dispassionately, and still managing to find joy in the better days and exchange support during the harder ones. it's about lightening the mood, letting go, angering slowly and forgiving quickly. it's about the knowing glances and shy smiles that confirm that we will make time for each other once the baby is asleep. it's about endurance, dedication, a commitment to the commitment, and the satisfaction of tapping into the chemistry we've always had, the one sometimes buried under the routine of building a life together, to know that yes, we would do this all over again.

******

wedding day helpers, all of which i recommend without reservation:

• dress: purchased in the maternity section (on sale for just 50 bucks!) at Asos.com
• photography: www.facebook.com/FarahStop
• makeup: www.jamiesmakeup.com
• hair: www.yelp.com/biz/hadassah-hair-studio-and-spa-los-angeles
• lunch: La Paella (manager: Pasqual)

Stuff & Things

hello again, blogosphere! i have missed you so much, though i doubt you have noticed the absence of my whiny voice from the conversations i have here with myself about such riveting topics as my dogs, so different from every other dog.

it's not that i've been avoiding you or even been too busy because, let's face it, i waste A LOT of time, it's just that i've been uninspired and lazy. these have been pervasive emotions throughout my life, as much as i try to fight them, which is admittedly not too much, so i just roll with it and remain content taking that second nap and lazily whiling away the days. that is what summer is all about and i've been enjoying mine immensely this year, spending it in the following non-blogging ways:



FIRE IN THE SKY: my favorite day of the summer is July 4, because this is the day my beloved Los Angeles neighborhood of Highland Park decides to set itself on fire with a fireworks bonanza extravaganza that makes anyone who experiences it gawk in shock and awe. every year, i've thrown a fireworks-viewing party on my deck, and every year, it's had a great turnout, this past year being no exception. there are plenty of explosions, pretty colors in the sky, flavorful microbrews and good friends that more than make up for the disgusting air quality the next day.



WORLD CUP: speaking of the next day, the Costa Rican soccer team qualified for the quarter-finals on July 5, and the leftover food and brews from the previous day's fete came in very handy, especially when some of the same friends showed up to watch the game with Tico and me. that was a great day for many reasons, despite the fact that Costa Rica didn't progress much farther, but it was still nice to see my own Tico so damn happy. all in all, the games were a great addition to my summer as i made it a point to watch as many as possible. i assure you it had nothing to do with the soccer thighs.



INDY: this guy is the most unbelievably loving, unintentional funny and needlessly nervous dog i've ever known. it's been a hard road with Indy as his separation anxiety has translated into destructive behavior whenever he was left without a human home to reassure him that he is not being abandoned forever. despite our best attempts to dog-proof the house, Tico and i returned home to many messes. then someone recommended the Thundershirt and hot holy hell, that thing actually worked.

the minute we put it on him, he began getting very sleepy and even stayed stationery as we moved around the house, a stark contrast to the shadow he's always been. nowadays, we come home to no (or at least less) destruction and a much calm(er) dog. i can't recommend this thing enough. and no, the manufacturer is not paying me to say this, though i really wish they were because i would totally take the money.



SCHROTH THERAPY: though i may look mighty relaxed lying on a hot pack above (my favorite part of physical therapy), i assure you that the rest of the hour i spend in therapy is grueling. i've been going for several months now as part of the treatment to manage any current and future pain associated with the broken rod in my back. i'll detail it more in a future post, but it's been very very beneficial for me so far, despite also being very very difficult.

to sum it up, i am learning how to dramatically alter my posture by activating underworked muscles in my back while allowing the overworked ones to atrophy. it is a lengthy, oftentimes painful process that involves targeted exercises to support the new posture, exercises that i'm learning so i can practice them at home. to help me stay dedicated, i've set up a gym in my garage (and am actually using it). this is one of those maintenance-for-the-rest-of-my-life things akin to a change in diet, which i'm also striving for so i may lighten the load on my back. so far, it's working, except for the times when it's not, like pizza time.



HOUSEHOLD: Tico officially moved in with me this month, despite unofficially living with me for a year. to commemorate the occasion, we went to work on fixing up the detached garage to make it a usable space as it had long been just a place to store plenty of things i no longer needed. so we got to throwing them out, painting some walls, opening up other walls, building out the gym, adding a desk, bookcase, loungy area, shelves and a workspace for Tico. it now looks welcoming and usable and awesome (photos to come). i am thrilled with the results and feel accomplished like one of those DIY homeowners i sometimes see on reality shows. granted, he did most of the work but whatever. i steadied the ladder despite him telling me i didn't need to. and with the house on its way to becoming even more awesome, i am hoping that the rest of life follows suit. but first, there are more lazy days of summer to while away.

35th Birthday

the 14th time i turned 21: was just like the last 14, or so it seemed. i don’t remember too much about that night beyond the fact that there were friends and alcohol all around me. but unlike the first time i turned 21, i wasn’t in vegas with my head in a toilet. i was at a local bar drinking top-shelf vodka with a raised pinky. however, as this photo demonstrates, i will still clearly acting like a fool.

the friends, they came! and kept my smile wide and my class full all night. not that i made it easy for them with my nonstop guzzling. from left: Cassie, Anna, Thurman, a still (somewhat) sober me, and Mike.



more friends! Justin, Ann, Raidis and Deo also showed up to brighten my night and freshen my glass. this year’s party was held at Verdugo Bar instead of my or Raidis’ house simply because it was more convenient for me. and that made cleanup very convenient by making it nonexistent. i also didn’t have to worry about annoying my neighbors or if everyone knew where the drinks were. overall, a very good call — one i should have made many parties ago.



when worlds collide: my two studliest friends, Thurman and Phillip, who had interacted with each other only through my Facebook page, met in person. it was a sight to behold, sealed with a bro hug. after, a glass was raised, a toast was said and many jokes followed.

my Felipe: we are likethis, hanging out all the time in my kitchen, cooking up vegan food and hatching plans for world domination. we’re practically married as we don’t have sex, instead spending our time watching bad movies and talking about how we could make a better one. (unfortunately, the person i do have sex with, the costa rican cutie, had to be out of town for work the weekend of my birthday, though he sent me a nice bouquet of flowers in his place.)    



21 forever! it’s my party and i’ll get sloshed if i want to. thankfully, i had the very beautiful Grace nearby to keep me upright.

group hug: Elliot, Juan, Christine and Cerreah make withstanding a bright flash in the face look easy.



then i took a bite of her face: Polly and her man Ron (whom she’s marrying this month!) arrived late enough to witness me at my finest. she was also kind enough to keep me upright even as i tried my hardest to drag her down by throwing my monkey arms around her — something i did repeatedly to various friends throughout the night.



happy birthday to me: but in the end, fun was had by all. (at least i think it was; i don’t really remember.) i do remember waking up the next morning without a hangover, which may seem impossible considering the evidence, but when my friends are the ones buying the drinks all night, top-shelf vodka is the only thing i’ll order. thanks, guys!



that morning: i slept in as late as possible and awoke feeling fantastico. my friends always know how to put a smile on my face, one that was widened by the 90-minute massage i treated myself to. it was sunday, june 26, my actual birthday, and i was 35 years old.



where it all began: the weekend ended with a birthday dinner, courtesy of my awesome parents, who took me to one of my favorite restaurants where they gave me some pretty jewelry and told me they were proud of me. seeing as they are the best parents in the world, i’m the one who's proud — and incredibly lucky. coupled with the best friends in the world, who kept me company the prior night, i’d say this birthday was pretty damn good.

here’s to hoping the year is even better.