Stuff & Things

hello again, blogosphere! i have missed you so much, though i doubt you have noticed the absence of my whiny voice from the conversations i have here with myself about such riveting topics as my dogs, so different from every other dog.

it's not that i've been avoiding you or even been too busy because, let's face it, i waste A LOT of time, it's just that i've been uninspired and lazy. these have been pervasive emotions throughout my life, as much as i try to fight them, which is admittedly not too much, so i just roll with it and remain content taking that second nap and lazily whiling away the days. that is what summer is all about and i've been enjoying mine immensely this year, spending it in the following non-blogging ways:



FIRE IN THE SKY: my favorite day of the summer is July 4, because this is the day my beloved Los Angeles neighborhood of Highland Park decides to set itself on fire with a fireworks bonanza extravaganza that makes anyone who experiences it gawk in shock and awe. every year, i've thrown a fireworks-viewing party on my deck, and every year, it's had a great turnout, this past year being no exception. there are plenty of explosions, pretty colors in the sky, flavorful microbrews and good friends that more than make up for the disgusting air quality the next day.



WORLD CUP: speaking of the next day, the Costa Rican soccer team qualified for the quarter-finals on July 5, and the leftover food and brews from the previous day's fete came in very handy, especially when some of the same friends showed up to watch the game with Tico and me. that was a great day for many reasons, despite the fact that Costa Rica didn't progress much farther, but it was still nice to see my own Tico so damn happy. all in all, the games were a great addition to my summer as i made it a point to watch as many as possible. i assure you it had nothing to do with the soccer thighs.



INDY: this guy is the most unbelievably loving, unintentional funny and needlessly nervous dog i've ever known. it's been a hard road with Indy as his separation anxiety has translated into destructive behavior whenever he was left without a human home to reassure him that he is not being abandoned forever. despite our best attempts to dog-proof the house, Tico and i returned home to many messes. then someone recommended the Thundershirt and hot holy hell, that thing actually worked.

the minute we put it on him, he began getting very sleepy and even stayed stationery as we moved around the house, a stark contrast to the shadow he's always been. nowadays, we come home to no (or at least less) destruction and a much calm(er) dog. i can't recommend this thing enough. and no, the manufacturer is not paying me to say this, though i really wish they were because i would totally take the money.



SCHROTH THERAPY: though i may look mighty relaxed lying on a hot pack above (my favorite part of physical therapy), i assure you that the rest of the hour i spend in therapy is grueling. i've been going for several months now as part of the treatment to manage any current and future pain associated with the broken rod in my back. i'll detail it more in a future post, but it's been very very beneficial for me so far, despite also being very very difficult.

to sum it up, i am learning how to dramatically alter my posture by activating underworked muscles in my back while allowing the overworked ones to atrophy. it is a lengthy, oftentimes painful process that involves targeted exercises to support the new posture, exercises that i'm learning so i can practice them at home. to help me stay dedicated, i've set up a gym in my garage (and am actually using it). this is one of those maintenance-for-the-rest-of-my-life things akin to a change in diet, which i'm also striving for so i may lighten the load on my back. so far, it's working, except for the times when it's not, like pizza time.



HOUSEHOLD: Tico officially moved in with me this month, despite unofficially living with me for a year. to commemorate the occasion, we went to work on fixing up the detached garage to make it a usable space as it had long been just a place to store plenty of things i no longer needed. so we got to throwing them out, painting some walls, opening up other walls, building out the gym, adding a desk, bookcase, loungy area, shelves and a workspace for Tico. it now looks welcoming and usable and awesome (photos to come). i am thrilled with the results and feel accomplished like one of those DIY homeowners i sometimes see on reality shows. granted, he did most of the work but whatever. i steadied the ladder despite him telling me i didn't need to. and with the house on its way to becoming even more awesome, i am hoping that the rest of life follows suit. but first, there are more lazy days of summer to while away.

This Year So Far

hello again, blog! sorry i’ve neglected you for so long. i’m not really sure why i did. it wasn’t intentional or conscious, more accidental and needlessly cruel. but i have thought about you often. on the running to do list i keep on the dry erase board on my fridge, you’ve remained a bullet point for weeks as they stretched into months. you’ve sat quietly and patiently, never once mocking me, as i’ve bypassed you in favor of other items like “buy car seat covers,” “research patio furniture” and “call insurance company.” none of those are as fun or creative as you, yet still you got back-burnered. well, no more. we are together at last, and i promise not to abandon you again.

i have missed the way you document my life for me so nicely, allowing me to flip back through older posts fondly, and some not so fondly, as i reminisce. there has been plenty going on this year and i regret not sharing those things with you earlier. but if you will allow me to now, i’d like to catch you up on things i’ve been doing without you, so that there may now be a record of them in you. and sorry again, beautiful blog. i hope you’ll accept this love letter to you and know that we are still BFFs, just like those two halves of a heart necklace we both share confirms. also, your hair looks great today.

 
the new car: i bought it last year when i got fed up with the old car giving me endless transmission problems. (we are not buying a Volkswagen ever again, blog.) the new car is roomy, though it eats gas like a thirsty little bitch despite having only a 4-cylinder engine. it’s a 2012 Toyota RAV4, by the way. drives great and i love it so far. i bought it used from Hertz Car Sales, so it had low mileage and great maintenance records. however, as this was an unexpected purchase, i didn’t have much money to put down, so the new car payments are hefty. the old jetta, which didn’t even make it to 100K miles, was sold to some used car lot for a pittance. as i was leaving that lot, the owner asked whether i wanted to take one final photo with the car, as many people do, and i waved him away while running out of the place. i’m sure he knows why by now.  

 
the holidays: they went exceptionally well (if you don’t count my frequent tears over spending them without my beloved Pinko for the first time). i spent Christmas at Tico’s twin sister’s house, where she erected a velcro bounce house in her yard for the guests and her own set of twins (she has 6-year-old fraternal boys). there, we bounced, drank, ate, laughed and passed the time in a lovely fashion. Tico gifted me a silver bracelet, which i’m wearing right now, and i gave him a GoPro Camera, which he used to take videos of Juice. new year’s eve was spent lying in bed in his arms instead of out on the town, which i guess is characteristic of people approaching 40. no complaints whatsoever. 

 
New York City: if i were less lazy, i would write an entire blog post about this, as the trip made many epic memories for me, but i’ll just relegate it to a bullet point for now. but yes, Tico and i conquered new york city in january and it was an obnoxiously, all capped AMAZING TRIP. we also spent a night in Newport, Rhode Island, at my dear friend’s John John’s house, who we passed most of the time with while in the city as well. we made new friends, walked through central park, hit up interesting tourist and local spots, stayed up late every night, ate and drank way too much, and even got caught in one of this winter’s wild snowstorms that cancelled our flight and gave us an extra day to explore the city.  

one of my proudest moments: though i stopped short of faking an orgasm in a restaurant (my parents didn’t raise no beast!), Tico and i did re-create the When Harry Met Sally scene at the famous Katz’s Delicatessan. then we went down the street to the famous Russ & Daughters for bagels, lox, cream cheese and herring. we also had Lombardi’s pizza and visited the Ghostbusters Firehouse. i came back to LA with an extra five pounds and a renewed love for New York, where i would love to live — if i made millions of dollars.


Russian River: after New York drained our bank accounts and energy, Tico and i headed to russian river in february for a long weekend of sitting around and not doing much. we stayed at my friend Sharon’s cabin, who joined us for two nights, and spent our days visiting antique shops in town and Armstrong Woods National Reserve, which has a 1,400-year-old tree. with a recharged battery, i returned home and quickly planned another trip back to the wood for later in the year. i cannot get enough of those redwoods. they are majestic.

 
me hugging a tree like the (secret) dirty hippie i am: moving to Russian River has become one of my many escapist fantasies, and i’ve begun thinking i should buy a vacation home there like my friend has. during the drive back to LA, this daydream played out in my head like a perfect movie, not of the romantic comedy variety ‘cus those all suck, but more like some sleeper hit with wine tasting and Tuscan suns or something. anyway, i even became obsessed with scouring real estate listings on redfin.com, squealing in delight each time a cheap fixer appeared on the market. then i got a letter from the city about my own cheap fixer and the daydream quickly dissipated into the familiar breathy sighs of first-world problems. 


three weeks later: this is the current state of my concrete back yard. apparently, my next-door neighbor called the LA department of building and safety, whom i have a sordid history with, and complained about a few things affecting our property line — things that were grandfathered in with the house and that the numerous inspectors who visited my house in past few years never once mentioned to me. but now i had to fix them. so i’m fixing them and trying to be all zen about it though the truth is i want to [redacted in case i actually do go postal one day] to my neighbor. as this is my first visit to the high road, i can report back that it is a humorless and lonely place. there will be a longer blog post about the repairs coming shortly. in the meantime, i'm taking many deep, breathy sighs.


the year ahead: oh, right, it’s almost april already (sorry again, blog). yet i’m still in the throes of figuring out the rest of the year, as i have a few things i’d like to see happen. so i consulted the lava lamp at my work cubicle, which doubles as a fortune-telling apparatus, to see what’s in store for my charmed life. 

• hawaii! this is booked already and just the thought of it brings me to my happy place. i’m going with the flight attendant friends i went to Italy with two summers ago (hooray for buddy passes) and staying at my parents’ time share, so it promises to be a very cheap trip. this is the only type of trip i can take because... 

• money: after the double whammy of unexpected car purchase + home repairs, i am firmly in the broke boat. i need to get out, and i will get out, if for no other reason than to purchase my dream vacation home among the redwoods. so i’ve begun to hustle accordingly. i’m looking at renting out the garage i never use while also selling the items sitting idly in the garage to make space for someone else's car/boxes. i would make a joke about selling my body, too, but i think i would need to pay for someone to use that. insert another joke about getting old and wrinkly.

• food: i stopped eating meat so my tacos lately are veggie only. (good thing potatoes are a vegetable.) i went meatless in february and my body has thanked me with rapid weight loss, easy digestion and no more food comas. i’m still eating fish, cheese and eggs so i haven’t lost my mind completely and if a restaurant dish i want has some meat included via chicken stock or clam chowder with bacon (note: clam chowder should have bacon), i’ll eat it without reservations. this is a very fluid pescatarianism and there could be momentary lapses should i find myself in a high-quality steakhouse. so maybe it’s more meat reduction than absolute meatlessness. whatever you call it, my body feels better than before so i’m sticking with it.

• everything else: despite the urging of well-intentioned friends, i don’t see a new dog in my future this year. i could be wrong, of course, and catch sight of a puppy that makes me feel the familiar pinch of cupid’s arrow again, but as of today, i’m not ready. i also don’t see any sweeping changes with Tico and me this year. we’re doing great, approaching the year mark and still keep separate residences despite spending most of our free time together. i love him whole-heartedly, want him to remain in my life and have been feeling very good about where things are, which is why every pregnancy and marriage innuendo i’ve heard has been replied to with an eye roll as they imply that something is lacking. rest assured, it’s not. things are super. he is great. i am lucky. we are happy. sincerely. 

awwww, the shmooptie pooptie cuteness! hearts, rainbows, unicorns! 

ok, enough of that. back to work, turkeys.

Stuff and Things

not that anyone has been clamoring for my return to the blogosphere, but i’m going to apologize anyway for my absence. it’s been a busy few months for me. curing cancer is hard work. not that this is why i’ve been away. just saying that curing cancer is hard work. applause to all those who try. as for me, my time has been spent on the following, less glamorous, more tedious things:

• work: i’ve been silly slammed with the stuff, because i can never seem to say no to a paycheck. this has done wonders for my debt reduction, but has had poor implications for my social, leisure and fitness life as all i ever seem to do lately is sit on my ass and rot in front of my computer. GEEK magazine, for which i serve as copy editor, has been the biggest time-suck, so it’s a good thing i love the work and client. (related: GEEK has finally started offering subscriptions to the print magazine. get it, get it!)
  
  

i also had to complete a quarterly project for Cedars-Sinai that has me alphabetizing its donor list, a painstaking task that involves 200+ pages of names and funds that i organize into a hierarchy that only makes sense to me and them. then there’s the edit (total rewrite) of a self-help book written by a personal trainer, which is thankfully in its final stages and should be finished in the next week.
  
  

once that’s done and the next issue of GEEK ships, i hope to have a few days off to recover before i have to focus my weary eyes on the Haiku Wednesdays book, an essay i’ve been working on, and my abandoned to-do list that’s full of enviable tasks like cleaning out the garage and painting the bathroom. oh yeah, and blogging. i’ll be doing more of that, too.


 

• house: the blue tarp i had over my roof since december started to look a little unseemly so i called up my contractor and had him replace the entire roof. the leak had been in the front bedroom, where a water bubble the size of a softball would appear in the drywall after a heavy rain. with the roof done (looks sexy, right?), every part of the main house has seen an upgrade, save the bathroom, which is why i plan to paint it.     


  
  late march also saw the five-year anniversary of my being a homeowner. to commemorate the occasion, i called up my local credit union and began the fun-filled process of refinancing my mortgage. that’s been another time-suck with its maze of bank statements, good faith estimates, missing paperwork and frequent phone calls. i’m happy to report that the appraisal went well enough to ensure that the refi would be possible, but fell way short of reflecting all the money i’ve spent on the house. of course, i have no plans to move anytime soon and, if anything, am looking forward to reducing my mortgage so i can take that extra money and pour it into the next project — either the landscaping or garage conversion. 


 

• okstupid: there’s a lengthier post coming about this, which details the handful of dates i’ve been on since joining okcupid in january, but let me get to the punchline now: i am still single. there has been no knight in shining armor sweeping me off my feet and onto his horse so we may gallop into the sunset together. there have been a couple court jesters, though. but mostly it’s been as dull and ridiculous as i thought it would be.
  
  the dates are infrequent and my attitude is still as shitty as it was when i wrote this post about joining the dating site. at this point, i’m not sure how much longer this little experiment will last. what i do know is that i have no plans to kick it into high gear and become some super dating machine, as friends have suggested. i’d much rather spend that energy being my natural social self and hopefully meeting men the organic way. 
here’s to hoping. that’s all i really have.

The Home-Improvement Chronicles: The Finished Deck

revealed: here is my girl! all dolled up and ready for her closeup. she is my neapolitan cake, my sugary homestead, depot of all future paychecks and asset to my mythical children. it only took 394 days, tens of thousands of dollars, 7,000 nails, 394 headaches, 20 calls to the Los Angeles Department of Building and Safety and endless hand-wringing. but the butterfly in the cocoon has been set free — and so have i. goodbye, Operation: Home Remodel (for now).



side view: i’m hyper pleased with how everything turned out (save the fact that the new deck is smaller than the old deck). the lines, angles and colors all blended perfectly, making my barbie dream house on the hill appear larger and more expensive than it actually is. i have to thank my marvelous contractor again for making this happen. you should call him: Platon Markarian, 818.279.3118. also my architect ex Mo, whom you can contact by contacting me privately (my email is in the sidebar). i feel like i had very little to do with this beyond signing the checks.



other side view: another cool thing my contractor did was build this enclosement for my HVAC unit at the side of the house. we had some leftover wood and i hated the look of that ugly, gray piece of machinery, which sits at the end of my driveway, so it caught my eye daily, so i asked him to put this together. now it looks like a respectable member of the household, unlike my ugly pink garage, which is reflected in the door. that is the new red-headed stepchild, my project for next year.



light fixtures: these craftman-esque-ness lights really complete the look of the house. there are six total — three near the deck, two by the front door and one by the side door (shown above) — courtesy of LightingDirect.com.



union: the big idea behind the deck was to not make it look like an “alien deck,” as Mo would say, meaning it needed to be incorporated into the overall design of the house instead of seeming like an after thought. beyond just being incorporated, the deck essentially dictated the design, with the size and spacing of its horizontal railing determining the size and spacing of the siding.



the mailbox: we had some leftover cranberry-colored paint so Platon painted the old white mailbox and turned it into this beauty. the mailbox, which came with the house, is really a piece of shit — the cheapest thing on the market with a bent flag and busted door that prevents it from latching properly. it’s amazing what a splash of red can do to something haggard, which probably explains why i have so much red in my closet.



the house numbers: call me crazy, but i don’t want to reveal my address here, so here’s a nice pic of the house numbers in sequential order, courtesy of OakParkHome-Hardware.com. their copper color looks lovely against the cream-colored house. you’ll have to take my word on that.



placement: they are right around that mucked-up blur. round of applause for my photo-retouching skills, please. i’m actually not that thrilled with their placement — i probably should have put them on the board right above where they ended up and spaced them farther apart. round of applause for my house number-placing abilities, please.



the table: this placement i am very happy with. it’s my new deck table, courtesy of UnveiledPotential.com, which is run by the very lovely Barb in San Diego. she makes all her tables out of reclaimed wood (fir, i believe) and includes tax and delivery in the price. the table is about six feet long, with two benches that seat six comfortably. the downside is that its size makes it hard to put any other furniture on the deck, so i’ve just been dragging chairs and ottomans onto the deck when i want to recline in something more comfortable. down the road, i may replace it with a smaller table and a chaise lounge.



deckish dogs: my bitches are big-time sunbathers so i know being deckless for a year annoyed them, maybe even more than it annoyed me. Pinko especially seems overjoyed to have her special pastime back. every saturday morning, she sits impatiently by the deck door until i open it and let her charbroil herself.



my joy: many times i’ve entertained the idea of dragging my bed onto the deck so i can camp out in comfort under the stars. i eat dinner here every night and step onto it right after i get home from work to take in a few calming breaths before starting the errands of my evening. it is an instant mood uplifter.



this right here: labor day weekend, i had the first round of housewarmers come through in the form of my high school family. they brought with them booze, food, stories, laughter and positive energy. i couldn’t stop smiling.

The Home-Improvement Chronicles: Lessons Learned (Part 2 of 2)

allow me to beat the feminist drum for a moment and discuss a sexist comment i heard repeatedly during the course of my remodel. it’s come from both family and friends alike, this idea that i’m somehow amazing/courageous/strong for handling this home remodel... “on my own.” i don’t think i would hear this if i were a man, at least not as often. as a woman, every time i heard it i found myself rolling my eyes reflexively, which is rude as i know it’s meant to be a compliment, but all i hear when it’s said is, “what a brave little girl you are to do this without a man by your side!”

the truth is nothing i’ve done is so amazing. people remodel their homes all the time. sure, it’s inconvenient and expensive, but it’s not impossible, and i’m glad i did it on my own instead of with a man by my side because remodels can add plenty of stress to a relationship, and reconciling another opinion with those of my architect, contractor and myself would not have been pretty.

so please remember this the next time you encounter a woman in charge of a home remodel — or any other project that seems big and daunting. certainly, commend her on her achievement, but be sure to leave out the “on your own” part because it smacks of sexism. personally, i’ve never viewed my gender as a handicap or an asset. i imagine if i were a man i’d be leading pretty much the same life i’m leading today (with a little extra money as women are still underpaid for the same work).

having said this, i do want to extend some advice to the single ladies who may feel overwhelmed by the idea of supervising a big remodel. for starters: you can do this. if you’ve had a kid or dealt with a stressful job, annoying family members, dramatic friends or dysfunctional relationships, then you know how to navigate landmines. a remodel is no different. in simple terms, construction is solving problems as they appear, which is what everything else in life is.

so treat it like you would any job. this means you show up every day, stay professional, keep a cool head, watch the bottom line, see the big picture, complete tasks, and make decisions based on what’s in your own best interest. it’s not rocket science, curing cancer, going to war or landing on mars. what it is is a lot of loud tools that will give you a headache, a bunch of dust and dirt that will make you sneeze, and a gang of big, burly, sweaty strangers walking through your house and leaving your toilet seat up. the most “amazing” thing about completing a remodel is enduring the inconvenience and suspending the idea that your home is a refuge from the rest of the world. this was the hardest thing for me as i’m a nester by nature so i had to work extra hard to get comfortable with the discomfort (and many days i didn’t succeed).

the other thing i had to work extra hard at was educating myself about the basics of construction. growing up, my pops played the role of house handyman, leaving my mom, sister and myself clueless about how to swing a hammer. needless to say, homeownership changed all that. the education came quickly and oftentimes felt as though i were cramming for an exam. i read books on carpentry and craftsmanship, did web searches on “what are the components of a wall” (not just two painted boards with something called a “stud” in the middle, like i once thought), and paid many visits to Home Depot where i walked through the aisles and forced myself to pay attention for a change.

that research helped me understand what the difference between a 2 by 6 versus a 4 by 8 is. i learned about the various species of wood and their properties. when i redid my kitchen, i read up on pipes, tiles and energy-efficient appliances. of course i couldn’t learn everything, but i gathered enough jargon to be able to speak to my contractor in the same language. to my surprise, learning about this was no chore and i now find myself slowing down to get a closer look as i drive around LA and encounter houses under construction. a brand new world has opened up to me and if i’m proud of anything, it’s that i can speak intelligently on every action that was taken on my house and why it was done that way. this is tremendous for a girl who didn’t know there was such a thing as indoor vs. outdoor paint when she bought a house.

so yes, ladies, read up and get yourselves learned. but don’t bother learning about the housing codes in your city as no one knows what they truly are anyway. let other people handle that and worry only about passing your inspection, so be extra nice to the inspector. remember that the education will bring the confidence to know that you can succeed at this and that having a pussy doesn’t mean acting like one. if you’re full of self-doubt, just remind yourself that you have no other choice but to get it done. a lack of options can go a long way in maintaining stamina. one of my favorite sayings: if you’re going through hell, keep going.

because construction can feel like hell at times, where everything goes wrong from the moment you wake up until the moment the crew leaves. there are days when your dog steps in tar and you need to cut all the hair out of her paws. other days your dogs vomit all over the house because they ate something toxic the crew left in the yard. some days you even get into screaming matches with your architect ex-boyfriend and feel just like you did when you were a couple, while other days have you telling your contractor to redo everything he just did because of a misunderstanding about the plans, a mistake that ends up costing you thousands of dollars.

then there are those days when you kick yourself in the head for coming up with a better answer long after the moment has past and decision has been executed. other days you could have something explained to you four times and still not fully understand it. there are times when you run out of patience, moments when you act like an exhausting micromanager and stretches when you throw your hands up and tell them to do whatever they think is best because you’re tired of making decisions.

through it all, remember one golden rule: don’t ever cry in front of the crew. also, never act emotional, get angry or raise your voice. basically, don’t act the way they expect you to: like an overemotional woman who can’t handle it. remember that you are there to do a job and you don’t cry at your day job. another favorite expression of mine: fake it until you make it.

this means not getting upset and going into a lecture about feminism and the fact that this is 2012 when yet another serviceman comes to your house, looks past you and asks if your husband is home, or when you hear that “your daddy must have taught you well” when you tell people there is no husband. it means not losing your cool and calling your engineer “a sexist fucking prick” when he dismisses all your notes and tells you not to worry about the work because he’s done jobs way harder than yours. (instead just blast him on your blog: Never use ATS Engineering in Glendale; Ara is a sexist fucking prick.) it means not letting the hot tears you feel bubbling up inside you reach the surface and spill out even though your response to feeling overwhelmed by any emotion — be it anger, frustration, happiness or sadness — is to release it through your tear ducts.

this is not to say you won’t ever cry. trust that there will be moments when you sit on the edge of your bed, feel the sawdust in your hair and the splinters in your fingers, your nervous dogs pacing around you and looking for reassurance, the orchestra of power tools outside your window intensifying your headache, and pour out a river from your eyes that’s accompanied by thoughts of inadequacy, doubt, loneliness and defeat.

and when the crew is working in your bedroom, you’ll move the pity party to your bathroom, where you’ll remain locked inside for a good hour until you’ve expelled the hot tears and can emerge with face washed, depuffing eye cream applied and a stiff lip to keep going with the day, keeping in mind that this is a home you love that’s worth every inconvenience, however large or small, so buck up, little soldier, because no one promised you it would be easy. 

understand that this is how remodels go, so go with it instead of agonizing over every misstep and trying to attain perfection. know that the failures will be balanced by the triumphs, like that day you carved your name into the wet concrete simply because you could, because this was your house, goddamnit, a house you bought with money you worked hard for, so go ahead and be tacky and put your name on that shit. remember that thrill through your mistakes, which will be plentiful but not debilitating unless you let them be. so get up each day, shake off the past, keep moving, stay confident, try again, bungle it, recover quicker the next time, and know that no one gets to play a perfect game. this applies to every other part of your life, too.

also, double the price and triple the time. trust me on this one, don’t even rationalize it or try to do the math or look at a calculator or calendar. just double the price and triple the time. this probably applies to every other part of your life as well.

and when it’s done, enjoy the hell out of it. have people over so they can enjoy the hell out of it alongside you. feel happy that you did it, but never surprised because you can do whatever you set your mind to as long as you focus, remain dedicated in the face of adversity, try to keep the complaints to a minimum, take responsibility for all of it, and make your way through each day until it’s done. because it will get done. and when it is, the feeling of accomplishment is incredible. 

The Home-Improvement Chronicles: Lessons Learned (Part 1 of 2)

before i post final photos of my finished house and painted deck, i wanted to comment on the biggest takeaways this home remodel taught me. everything about it has been an education from the first day to the last, leaving me with so much new knowledge — not only about the fundamentals of home construction, but also about myself, other people, and what having a home really means.

perhaps the biggest lesson i learned during all this was not to shortchange my house.  this sounds so simple and obvious, but it’s often overlooked in favor of the path of least resistance, which is usually cheaper, quicker, easier — and uglier. in the short-term that might be ok, but down the road it will mean more money and time to correct things that could have been done right the first time.

also, cheap looks cheap. that’s fine for apartment living, but a house is a different matter altogether, so i kept saving/borrowing until i had the money to get what i wanted done. of course, i had to work within a budget, but budgets bust — and for big jobs, that’s a guarantee. my job certainly went well over budget, and i found myself at the bank plenty of times extending my credit, but i never once remade the plans into something cheaper out of fear for what that could look like. i’d rather extend my repayment plan for an additional year than live in something i regarded as ugly for the next 10 years. 

in the same vein of not shortchanging my house, i would absolutely recommend that everyone hire an architect. this is not an extraneous expense that can be cut when the budget starts to look scary, because no matter how many remodeling shows i’ve watched on cable TV, i am not a designer. i’m sure the former owners of my house watched a few shows themselves, as evidenced by the bedroom that had been “rag painted” brown when i moved in. i called it “the shit-smeared room.”

i understand that people want to execute their vision for their homes, and a good architect will take that into consideration, while also taking into consideration things like traffic patterns, natural light, color theory and the differences between materials and their costs. i know this is easy for me to say as my architect looked a lot like my ex-boyfriend Mo, who knew my house intimately after having lived in it for three years. 

added to my luck was the fact that Mo is a creative genius. i say this with complete objectivity. i don’t doubt that anyone who has seen Mo’s work — which ranges from interior design to drawing to furniture building to writing to filmmaking — will agree with me. he’s brilliant in every capacity and i cannot thank him enough for his dedication to this project (which at some points was stronger than my own). the good news is that you can hire him, too. message me privately (my contact info is in the right sidebar) if you want his contact info. you will not be sorry.   

another thing i’ve learned has to do with what not to say to people who are in the throes of a home remodel. for starters, never ask how much it costs, which i see as being akin to asking people to reveal their salary. and if they refuse to tell you the first time, don’t start guessing and asking them “lower or higher” (yes, this really happened). trust that if someone wants you to know how much money they spent, they’ll tell you.

i never felt comfortable discussing it, seeing the financial details of my remodel as being only between me, my contractor and my bank. a golden rule of mine (learned from having made this mistake in the past): Never talk about money. it’s tacky, it’s private and it can make people feel uncomfortable, usually generating more questions than answers. so no, i can never tell you how much it cost. it’s simply not your business.

also, no one going through a remodel wants to be given unsolicited advice or asked obvious questions like “did you shop around for the lowest price?” they (ok, i) also don’t want to hear about your mother-in-law’s bathroom remodel or about discount stores like Lumber Liquidators (which sucks, by the way). unless you’re being asked for advice because you’re known to have gone through something similar, always give the homeowner the benefit of the doubt because, most of the time, all the research has been done and plans have been finalized before the first nail hits the house.

in addition, give the cliches a rest. if i had a dollar for every time i heard “it will all be worth it in the end,” i could pay off my construction debt. i know that sometimes there is just nothing else to say when someone (ok, me) is complaining to you about their remodeling hardships, but cliches only cause eye rolls. a better reply is “that sounds rough, can i bring you some dinner” or “hey, do you want this gallon of vodka?” please also never ask when the housewarming party will be, as that’s like asking a pregnant stripper when she plans to return to work. it’s simply the last thing on her mind.

finally, be nice to your crew. they’re the ones working on your house, after all, and their craftsmanship will likely suffer if they think you are a total asshole. so don’t allow it by treating them well. this means saying “good morning” and “have a great day” before you leave for work. it means learning their names and buying each of them a case of beer on a hot saturday afternoon after they’ve put in a hard week of work. it’s also important to get in lockstep with your contractor and stay on the same side.    

again, i was lucky here as Platon and i worked amazingly well together. this doesn’t mean we didn’t have our disagreements and tense conversations, but we managed to stay civil to each other throughout them because we understood we’ll still need to be working together the next day. ours was very much a marriage built on mutual respect and clear communication, and it became more solid with time.

i interviewed a few other contractors before hiring Platon to do the full interior remodel of my house four years ago, and all of them (but Platon) rubbed me the wrong way. another important note: trust your instincts when hiring a contractor. needless to say, it can make all the difference. the good news is you can hire Platon, too — if you can get him, that is, as he’s quite busy (he’s built three decks in my neighborhood already), but he’s worth waiting for. Platon Markarian, 818-279-3118.  

since i wrote the last check to Platon and the crew took their tools away, i’ve been on a serious high. i actually hadn’t noticed how perpetually cranky living in a construction zone made me until it ended and left behind a levity i didn’t know i lacked until i got it back. i also didn’t realize how much i missed having people over. the paint had barely dried on the deck before the first wave of house-warmers rolled through. more waves have followed and more parties are being planned. 

it’s odd but the thought that my friends may muddy up my newly remodeled home doesn’t bother me much. in the absence of that whole husband+kids thing, i want my friends who are like family to come over, sit on my deck with me while drinking wine, laughing about their lives, telling me about their days and gazing at the valley below. the times this has happened have filled me with joy and reminded me that it was the reason i did this remodel in the first place. 

The Home-Improvement Chronicles: The Deck

deckless in Highland Park: after a six-month delay spent wrangling with city inspectors, unraveling the mysteries of Los Angeles housing codes, arguing with an engineer i couldn’t stand (don’t use ATS Engineering in Glendale!), applying for permits and saving diligently, Operation: Home Remodel restarted with the sole purpose of building that goddamn deck already.



day 1: construction moved quickly and was far less painful than the first phase of the remodel, which involved a total overhaul of the house’s exterior. the second phase lasted about two months and stayed mostly on budget. there was also less mess, stress, noise and nervousness among the dogs. here, the crew digs my grave, where they can also put the posts that will support the deck.



view from the inside: the crew dug out about four feet worth of dirt, which means the deck’s foundation rests just above the outer core of the earth. ok, i’m exaggerating. it’s still about 10 feet from the outer core.



hey, sewer line with a hole: not sure if we made this hole or found it this way (crew insists they found it this way), but it was patched up before the concrete was poured. i’m happy to report that this was the only surprise during construction and cost very little to fix.

 
just like legos: then came the posts, four in total, all 100% steel, which doubled the cost, but the city insisted and we were not in any position to argue. (the original plan called for six posts made of high-density wood.) rebar wrapped around the posts to hold them in place and define what would become the foundation of the deck.

 
then came the cement: which was poured, set and allowed to dry for a few days until it became concrete.


meanwhile: one of the things the inspector dinged us on from the first phase of the remodel was the fact that the awning of the front porch extended into the driveway. this meant that if i ever wanted to park an extra large SUV in my driveway (note: i drive a Jetta), there wouldn’t have been enough overhead clearance, so we needed to cut back about two feet of the awning’s corner.



framing begins: after the cement dried, the dirt that had been dug up earlier was placed over the foundation, leaving only the four pillars that held up the posts exposed. they’re mighty huge, aren’t they? i often can’t see past them and find myself daydreaming about how i can cover them up with creative landscaping. wait, where was i? oh yeah, the framing. it happened, with bolts and all, super solid. good job, guys.



the deck floor: my contractor, Platon, told me that both phases of the remodel used a total of 7,000 nails. i don’t have anything to compare this to, but that sounds like A LOT of nails. i’m grateful that he did a good job lining up those nails on the deck floor, though it’s worth noting that the commercial nail gun he used became my worst enemy during the remodel, sounding like a gunshot every time it went off.



not lined up: through an engineer error (told you that guy was a bastard, again, never use ATS Engineering in Glendale!), the deck ended up being about two inches lower than it was intended to be, which ruined the continuity of that bottom ribbon line that ran around the house. also, Ara at ATS Engineering is a piece of shit! (bear with me, as repeating this will help highlight my blog in Google searches of the firm’s name.)



compensation: to make up for the mishaps with the lower line, the crew did a good job of hitting the mark with the other lines. the idea behind the deck was to make it look like a natural extension of the house, so the horizontal railing matched the siding in size, color and design.



stable: it was around this time, with the railing loosely in place, that i stood on my deck for the first time. i wish i could claim it thrilled me, but it just seemed to amplify my impatience with the project, which had spanned past the year mark at that point. i wanted it done and asked Platon at the beginning of each week if it would be finished by the end of the week.




meanwhile: the side door in the kitchen was being turned into a window. this was also because of a city mandate that vetoed the plan of a staircase that would extend from the deck, wrap around the house, and connect the ground floor, where the washer/dryer live, with the main floor, where i live. this meant that the size of the deck shrank from its original 10 feet by 20 feet (which we intended to replicate) to a city-mandated 8 feet by 14 feet.



the story behind the story: the original deck, which came with the house and had been there as long as the neighbors could remember, had never been permitted, so according to the City of Los Angeles, my deck didn’t exist, which meant that its remodel would count as new construction and be subject to a ton of new codes that weren’t in place when it was originally built. i could have applied for variances to keep things such as the staircase intact, but the costs to only apply were prohibitive and didn’t guarantee a victory, so we had to scrap a few plans and come up with new ones in a jiffy.



also worth noting: the deck was made with 100% redwood that had been treated with fire-retardant, as my hillside house is technically in a fire zone (though i’ve never known a fire to come through the area). that, in addition to the steel posts, roughly doubled the cost of materials. the deck is also not connected to the main house, sitting about an inch away from it (where Juice is sticking her nose). this is because of that pesky gravity thing that would make any deck connected to my house want to pull itself and the house down the hill, so we were required to build it free-standing.



complaining over: but when it was finally built, oh my my. it was beautiful. like super duper, tear-evoking, jaw-droppingly beautiful.



before the big finish: then came the paint, which unified every line, piece of trim, design detail and aesthetic motivation behind the remodel. i can’t adequately explain how floored i was when i saw it done, so the pictures will have to do the talking. coming up in a future post. (more photos can be found here on my Flickr set.)