Tuesday, February 08, 2005

There Goes the Nunnery

i had a date the other night. so i escaped the nunnery to go join the circus. nothing like a good jailbreak to keep things interesting. but i know that this blog can get relatively boring without the boy element, and i must take care of my public, so i'm really taking one for the team and doing it for you guys, my beloved readers. otherwise, i really didn't want to go on a date; i was happy with the new single me and didn't feel compelled to embark on any new adventures with headaches, heartaches, heartthrobs and hellraisers. but men are like my mafia -- whenever i think i'm out, they pull me back in.

i alternate between hating and loving them. i don't trust them for shit, have no faith in them, but find them undeniably irresistable. i hate that they get all the breaks, make more money than us and don't have to endure menstruation once a month. i can't stand their egos, sense of entitlement and how they strut around, thinking they own everything they touch. they're like peacocks (pun intended) that chase potential mates around flashing their brilliant feathers for some attention before moving on to the next one. am i jealous? maybe. perhaps i have penis envy. it's been said before. it's also been said that i might be a man trapped in a woman's body -- and a gay man at that. maybe that frustrates me -- having this man's mind in my head while stuck with all the limitations inherent in being a woman, including their drippy, messy hearts.

i've never been good at reconciling the two, because despite knowing better, they still suck me in. they can be so damn sexy. especially when they have strong, purposeful walks and gravelly voices. i dig that commanding presence and disarming charm. their smells, those long arms, broad shoulders and, of course, soccer thighs. i like them strong and manly, yet evolved, and infused with gentility. they can really drive me bananas. maybe it's an addiction for which i should seek help.

certainly, a smart woman can get anything she wants out of a man by using her womanhood, but a smart man can do the same. we've all been at the mercy of love, lust and infatuation before. nature isn't an idiot, and the differences between the sexes should be celebrated. and as much as i complain/exclaim about men and all their assorted, sordid proclivities, i know that i couldn't sustain my life without them.

but yes, the date. a date!! it seems like forever since i went on one. yogaman only took me to sharkeys twice before moving in and the others before him were all internet dudes, so it was nice to do it the conventional way: i met a nice guy one night at a party, gave him my phone number, he calls to ask me out, picks me up at my house, takes me to dinner and then drops me off. it felt so 'happy days.' and i was all girlie, like "what do i wear? should i leave my hair down or put it up?"

the date: thumbers-uppers, way uppers. it was very pleasant, comfortable, enjoyable. good vibes the whole night through. we began the night at a karoake bar in the valley, which seemed an unlikely choice, but it turned out quite fun. some of the singers had some major pipes on them, and the food was terrific. we had some wine, and did the getting-to-know-you chitchat. then we proceeded to the standard in downtown LA for more drinks with a few friends, one of whom was the mutual friend we met through. (thanks, juancho.) then he took me home, and we said goodnight and goodbye.

the guy: i don't get opposites attracting; my opposite would repel me so far across the room. i'm a narcissist when it comes to dating, so it's a good thing he and i were so similar. we had mucho in common, which made the conversation effortless. he's a creative cool-kid type who's well-read, worldly and stylish -- just like me! he's got a great smile, and his dark slacks outlined what may very well be soccer thighs, though i'm not positive (and yes, that's the only reason i was looking there). but the best part is that he's some five-star chef with a degree in culinary arts and a propensity for cooking for others.

the girl: i did feel girlie and it felt good. i think being single, working from home and skipping showers inhibited my femininity in recent weeks, so this provided a great reason to start using moisterizer again. and i genuinely like the guy, though i'm not entirely swept away or head-up-my-ass smitten. i am nothing if not cautious about whom i give my affection to. i am intruiged, however, as i like it when men comment on my "cute dimples" instead of my large breasts.

so yes, twas a pleasant first date, but it was only that, though i believe there's a great likelihood i'll see him again. and if i never see him again, it's just good to know that i can have a terrific first date and feel like a girl.

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