Thursday, January 29, 2009

Cuter Dog Video

i’d like to say that i won’t post any more videos of my dog chasing her tail like a wind-up toy but all i can guarantee — with two days left in january — is that i won’t post anymore this month. and i will set the monthly maximum of cute dog videos at two, although if you count the ones i posted below, that makes three. so yeah, three is the max. though if i find a fourth one in any given month that is really super cute, no promises.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Conversation Chronicles: Cute Dog Videos

Me: can i show you a cute dog video i found on the internet today?

Mo stares at me blankly.

Me: what? you got something against cute dogs?

Mo: that should be your next conversation chronicle. write “Milla to Mo: can i show you a cute dog video?” and then don’t write anything else. just leave it at that.

Me: so... do you want to see it? it’s really, really cute.

Mo: yeah, OK.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

One-Hit Wonders: January 2009

  • milla ruined my dreams

  • transsexual girl with smooth front on flickr

  • some drops of blood were over bedsheets and inside my thighs stories

  • housewarming superstitions of toilet paper

  • i caught a std from sitting in steam room

  • cute love notes to your boyfriend

  • corset as straitjacket

  • filling up with my nothingness

  • how much the irs paid for standard millas

  • dealing with assholes

  • dankeshane darling dankeshane what language?

  • 38dd tit pics

  • jerk off

Friday, January 16, 2009

My New Camera

it’s a Canon Powershot G10 and it’s caused me to be all sorts of trigger happy lately. i must have taken over 1,000 photos already, mostly of the dogs, who offer a never-ending canvas of cute. the photo at left is my favorite of the bunch.

i didn’t have a particular reason for getting the new camera besides just wanting it really badly, which is usually a good enough reason for me. and when the holidays rolled around, i asked santa for the camera in a lengthy letter i sent to the north pole. of course, i also asked him to bring joy to the world and peace on earth in addition to the camera.

sadly, he didn’t bring any of those things, because he’s a fat, fictional, lazy bastard who wouldn’t come to a jew’s house anyway, so i picked up extra freelance work, made some cash and bought the camera for myself. hear me roar, santa!

overall, i loooove this camera and have spent many days with it strapped to my neck like a dumb tourist. i can’t lie, though. it intimidates the hell out of me with its fancy knobs, switches and settings, none of which i have any mastery over. but i’ve been reading photography sites galore in an attempt to figure out what an aperture does.

it also frustrates the hell out of me, as any shot i’ve taken and liked has been the result of blind luck. i’m not exaggerating when i say that all the good shots i’ve fallen ass backwards into, which only reinforces my belief that photography is really about being in the right place at the right time. sure, having a good camera with nifty settings that you actually know how to use helps, but i don’t really consider picture-taking a fine art, at least not in the same way that carving a figure out of a block of marble is.

still, i have seen many beautiful photos, both online and in some of Mo’s books, that have been very inspiring. but whenever i’ve tried to stage a shot i think might look nice or even conduct a photo shoot with the dogs, the light ends up sucking or the dogs end up moving, leaving me with a zillion images of an underexposed, blurry tail in the corner of the frame. i am, however, determined to improve my skills (though please shoot me if i begin to call photography my “hobby”).

the good news is that i can finally discard the awful FujiFilm hand-me-down from my parents i have been using for years, a camera so old and ugly that it has been discontinued. also good is that the photos i will post here should be of higher quality from now on, which means don’t expect to see many images of my old and ugly mug as the G10’s intense resolution renders the pores on my face big enough to swim in. instead, please accept photos of the cuties. here’s another one.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


i must have been one of the only people i know who didn’t want 2008 to end. everyone around me was aching for that ball to drop so they could claim a fresh start — a year when things would surely be better! — while i stood grumpy, almost weepy, wondering how i could squeeze another month out of the last few days of december.

a fresh start sounded awful to me. a fresh start sounded like an opportunity to fail. surely, i could never top the banner year i just had, the year of the shiny new house in Highland Park and new job that i was handpicked for. like a dessert you dread taking the last bite of, i needed 2008 to continue in perpetuity, maybe forever. but the days piled up like they tend to and selfishly, 2009 came in to much applause from everyone but me.

when it did come in, Mo and i were at The Verdugo drinking. the dj announced the countdown and the year flashed before me — the house hunt and escrow, the remodel and subsequent move-in, the LA Landing and 4th of july, the new job and down economy, the hits and even the misses. a second later, they were tucked behind the bookend of a new year. i leaned toward Mo for a kiss.

a week and a half in, 2009 has proved itself unremarkable. work has been hell, sleep has been elusive and i’ve been reluctant to stick to my resolutions, one of which is to take a yoga class weekly, particularly when i’m pissy about being overworked sleep-deprived. but my grumpy ass never made it to class. next week, for sure.

i’ve also resolved to spend less time in front of my computer. this is another one i’ve failed at. i worry that the only way to pull myself away from this warm machine on my lap is to subscribe to cable TV, a luxury i have not enjoyed in many years. no point in paying for cable, i figured, when i can get streaming video on my computer for free. if only books could stream MTV.

another resolution is to pay down some of the astronomical house debt i’ve acquired in the past year. extra cash will have to be funneled first to my parents, who’ve been watching their retirement savings plummet since the summer. this has brought me all sorts of guilt, given their generous loan to help with my home improvement. i’ve vowed to be a dutiful daughter and begin repaying them this year.

continuing the home improvement would also be nice, but considering the lousy economy and the fact that freelance work has been slim, filling my yard with those fancy, rare hedges i fell in love with at the getty center garden is unlikely. also unlikely are monthly massages and lobster dinners.

what is likely for me in 2009 is time spent with the same good friends and family i’ve been in love with for years. there will also be cozy nights at home with Mo and the furry babies. if i’m lucky, i might get one lobster dinner in there somewhere, and perhaps a weekend getaway to some place relaxing. and i guess that’s enough for me.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

The Conversation Chronicles: The Jerk Off

background: Mo and i are at my parents’ house on new year’s day to eat their food and exchange gifts. Mo has just opened his gift from my parents, a pretty nice sweater they bought him while they were in Israel a few weeks earlier. he turns to thank my ma.

Mo: wow, thanks. this is a great sweater, Ida. i will definitely wear it.

Ma: really?

Mo: yeah. it’s a terrific gift. thank you. it’s really great. i mean that.

Ma: do you mean that or are you just jerking me off?

Me: wow, maaa! did you really just say that?

Ma: well sometimes i can’t tell if he’s kidding or being serious.

Me: but you just asked him if he was jerking you off.

Ma: yeah, i did. so what?

Me:: so nothing. it’s pretty cool.

Friday, January 02, 2009

What’s That Behind You?

in case you missed this on facebook, here’s a fun video of juice chasing her tail. this post is the first of 2009, so happy new year, beautiful readers!! it’s also my first ever video post, which i hope to have more of in 2009, as santa brought me a nifty new camera for the holidays. enjoy!