Sunday, March 20, 2005

Weak One

one full week of new job has passed and i feel totally exhausted. i don't know how people work 40 hours each week. it's not like i've never had a full-time job before, but it's been almost three years. and now i'm sitting here with the sunday blues, going into the week in anticipation of the weekend.

don't get me wrong. week one at work was very good. i'm just adjusting to this new, structured reality where the alarm goes off at an ungodly 6:15 am, i'm out the door by 7:30am, at my desk by 8am, lunch at noon, then out the office door by 5pm to join the bottleneck of traffic making its way out of downtown los angeles. rat race, i have arrived. a few people have called me this week asking whether i "love" my new job. i mean, who really "loves" their job? unless you're a rock star, work is work.

i do, however, like my new job, and mainly because the people there are so geniunely nice. the environment is positive, upbeat, cooperative. i like my job because my coworkers like their jobs. and given that i'm working for a huge corporation with offices worldwide and thousands of employees, this is amazing. there's much to be said for corporate culture. i also love working downtown. there's something so sexy about it. it's urban and full of energy. i can walk to lunch, which, in los angeles, is hard to come by. i like wearing power suits and heels. if i had my way, my closet would hold nothing but prada. oh no, have i already become a corporate whore? a corporate bore?

it's not that i haven't had a few moments where i'd wish i could sleep in instead and work in my pajamas all day. i guess i'm relishing the newness of it all -- especially the security! no more student scrounging. no more buying the discounted bruised fruit. i can exhale knowing that a paycheck is coming and that i don't have to chase it around the accounting department after they've lost my invoice again. it's a peace i haven't known in ages.

on the flipside, i'm tired all the time. i had no energy for going out this weekend. i'm a grannie now, asleep on my couch by 11pm with the TV still on, remote control slipping out of my hand as drool trickles onto the pillow. i also seem to be eating nonstop lately and can sense the onset of office ass, a condition akin to the freshman 15. and until today, i was quite behind on household chores and responding to phone calls and emails. working takes so much out of you. i know, i know, welcome to the real world. i've heard that all week. i'm sure it'll sort itself out. in the meantime, i'm going to have a glass of wine and ride out the remainder of my sunday night.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

i guess any day can be considered such. but there is something special about the first day of a new job. it does signify the rest of your life, the start of your career, the beginning of opportunity. that's what tomorrow, monday the 14th, will bring for me -- or at least that's the hope. i've spent the past few weeks preparing for tomorrow and i'm really looking forward to it. that's not to say i didn't have my little freak-out when i was walking around the grove shopping center at noon on a wednesday in the sunshine, wondering why the hell i would give up my flexible freelance lifestyle to enter a predictable office space existence. i feared i could never work my new hours of 8am-5pm five days a week. i worried i could never accept authority or take direction after spending the past three years as my own boss. what did i get myself into?

luckily (and surprisingly), this freak-out was short lived, with those fleeting emotions soon replaced by joy at the thought of predictability, stability, and a signing bonus that will serve as the down payment for a new car i so desperately need. my old car has proved itself to be a fickle fucker in the past few weeks and has sometimes decided to simply not start. i must sit there flipping the bitch switch for about 15 minutes until it deigns me worthy of driving it again. and i will pour no more money into having the mechanics seek out the electrical problem they could never find before. so yes, a new car on the horizon. i'm thinking a Toyota Rav4. that car seems very me. it's big enough to throw juice in the back, gets pretty good mileage for a mini-SUV, and them toyotas have great resale value. anyone know a dealer who can get me a great deal?

so these past few weeks preparing for the first day of the rest of my life have been spent making peace with my old life. i was slowed by a nasty flu that kept me bed-ridden for nearly a week, all feverish and achy. i spent a couple days in big bear frolicking in the snow. i engaged in some retail therapy, buying four pairs of shoes and numerous other pieces for my new professional wardrobe. i watched a lot of reality television and cooked many a meal at home. i got my taxes done and secured a nice return equal to one month's rent. with my landlord, i worked on my backyard and deposited some grass seed that will hopefully spring up in the spring. i did yoga and slept late. the only thing i didn't get to do was take that trip to new york. that has been rescheduled for memorial day weekend in may.

anywho, it was a nice way to go out, leaving me very refreshed and ready for tomorrow. there's also been a boy element going on, and i guess that update is overdue. it's nothing life altering, but there's been movement in that arena -- and initially, too much movement. seems like i went on one little date and was suddenly ushered into dude dramaland. there was some craziness where new guy's psycho ex called me up and talked some shit. then i ran into a psycho ex of my own, who got me so peeved that i threw a drink in his face. then yogaman got weird on me. then i got random emails from old flames looking to reconnect. it was nonstop guy dilemmas and it was a little overwhelming.

thankfully, all has returned to baseline; everything's in its rightful place. at this point, i'm still very single. i am dating -- and not exclusively. and anyone who's dating me knows this because 1) they read my blog, and 2) i'm all about the honesty. and what could be more appealing, really? "commitment-phobic good-time gal seeks similar for fun in the sun." how cool is that? i'm a guy's wet dream.

so the nunnery is no more, though i can still poke on through when i want to be entirely on my own, which is often. i have my cake and i'm eating it (which is the dumbest expression ever, because what else would you do with cake besides eat it?) i still feel relatively detached, footloose and fancy-free, and on the whole all is well. let's hope it maintains.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Sing Blue Silver

wow, wow, wow. i saw the incredible duran duran in concert at the staples center on saturday night. wow, wow, wow. i screamed like a 14-year-old girl. i screamed so loud my stomach muscles hurt the next day.

it was the original lineup that included the three unrelated Taylors. it was their reunion tour used to promote their new album Astronaut (which isn't too shabby). they looked so hot, despite having the fortysomething faces of men who've partied like the rock stars they are. simon lebon is still the swaggering frontman, and he still had it -- so had it. cutie pie roger taylor, the shy one, hid behind his drum set looking all boyish and beautiful. nick rhodes is still the most stylish muthafucka ever. and, of course, my future ex-husband john taylor diddled the bass like the pro he is. i was swooning. i really was.

staples was sold out and the crowd stayed largely on its feet, leaving only after the final notes of "rio" were belted out. the band played most of its old hits and a few songs off their new album. just stunning on every level. a huge video screen behind the band played clips of old videos like "the chaffeur" and "girls on film" -- shit i hadn't seen in ages, but that reminded me what true artists those guys were. they had some serious vision, despite be panned as new wave fluff of the '80s. and i'm not just saying that because john taylor is gorgeous. duran duran is a damn fine band.

in high school i was a diehard duranie, my bedroom walls plastered with the faces of "the fab five." the concert was like entering a time machine, and i'm sure my fellow concertgoers had the same experience. hearing those songs took me back to a past life that's rarely revisited, reminding me of a certain year, hairstyle, moment, outfit. today, those memories seem kinda laughable, though wholly heartwarming.

cheers to D squared!