Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Forgive me now, Juan?

Monday, May 16, 2005

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Random Photo Essay

figured it was time to put some purty pictures up here. no unifying theme, just random shots taken over the past few months.

the hairy eyeball: of course no photo essay would be complete without a shot of the juice, seen here with her boyfriend max.

camera ready: k8 the gr8, whom i hear is moving to los angeles from portland, prepares to snap one.

posers: k8 and i worked together once upon a time in san francisco. we got hired at the exact same time and our new coworkers had trouble telling us apart. five years and two cities later, we're still twins.

the real electra: my daddy's the love of my life.

sibling rivalry: my older sister tatyana, left, vies for my spot as daddy's little girl. (she doesn't stand a chance.)

family matters: my fabulous cousins, roman and gitella, recently abandoned their day jobs to move to portland.

annenbergirlies: some hot chicks i went to school with. from right to left: moran, zahra, malavika, grace and yours truly.

our new commentator: dee, whom i've known since 1997, is inexhaustible, analytical, parenthetical and damn hot.

umm...drunk...yeah: zee and i with the most bizarre hats at some random party. blame it on the vodka.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Let's Get Physical

i found a new boyfriend. his name is jim. we have been having the most physically intense relationship i've ever known. jim always leaves me hot and sweaty, activating muscles i didn't know i had. and he's never too busy to spend time with me. in fact, i can see him whenever i want, and the more comfortable i get with jim, the more often i pay him a visit.

he's pretty forgiving, though he knows when i've cheated. that's when he gets punishing and makes me work harder and sweat more. i don't mind, though. i know he has my best interests at heart and i want to give myself to him even more, but i need to work on building my momentum first. he can really wear me out, making me sleep so well at night. i know he has a certain reputation and is known to many around town. i'm not upset by it, because i understand what they saw in jim. in a way, i wish i was there first, but i'm there now and that's all that matters. this is a relationship built to last.

i pack a special bag whenever i go see jim. it holds the necessities -- change of clothes, some toiletries, a towel. he lets me stay as long as i want, though sometimes the physicality overwhelms me and i have to retreat and regain my energy before taking him on again.

he understands. he's so patient like that. jim doesn't question or judge. he accepts me unconditionally. he makes me want to take better care of myself and to be a better person. but he doesn't say it because he doesn't have to. he just knows and i know too. our communication is telepathic. in just a few short weeks, he's changed my life by injecting me with life. he's given me so much more energy and vitality, reminding me of things i'd forgotten about myself.

plus, he's way hot. jim has soccer thighs, oh yeah. actually, he has many pairs of soccer thighs. only problem is he can be a little stinky, and sometimes too many of his other girlfriends are over at his house when i am, forcing me to wait until he frees up. but he has the best sign over the front door of his house. it reads: YMCA. cool, huh? it always reminds me of that Village People song, with accompanying hand motions.

gym is gonna help me lose 10 pounds. the final 10 i've been trying to lose for the past 10 years. they say those are the hardest. (hands up, how many of you suckers were fooled?)

i must have been the last twentysomething in glamorious los angeles without a gym membership. i would often poo-poo the idea, snickering, "i can't imagine sitting on a bike for 20 minutes and not going anywhere." but now the stationary bike is part of my workout routine. i guess this, coupled with the new corporate job, completes the conformity. i'll get a bar code tattooed on my neck now.

it's not that i was miserable with my appearance, but this office ass (or, as my officemate calls it, the secretary spread) was getting out of hand. my clothes began fitting more tightly. with all the office birthday parties and amateur chefs bringing in baked goods, i began indulging in sugary treats -- which generally don't entice me as much as salty goodies -- but it became habit where i needed my daily sugar fix.

the resulting bulge was unseemly. drastic times indeed. so i joined the Y that's just down the road from my work. and the good news is that work pays 50% of my monthly dues and deducts the rest right outta my paycheck. so i've been seeing gym 3-4 times a week for evening rendezvous where we do cardio and yoga. the best part comes at the end of our dates when we sit in the steam room together and really let the sweat flow. that part alone might be worth the entire membership fee.

so yes, 10 pounds by summer, maybe 15 if i begin to love the burn, which i doubt. i've always hated exercise and as much as i've tried to reprogram my brain into loving it, i would still rather sit on my couch at home and eat bon-bons. yoga is the only activity i've ever taken to, but that's low impact and more to keep my back healthy. the only other things worth sweating for are dancing and sex (and steam room). well, and now the treadmill and stationary bike. reprogram. reprogram.

i'm trying to think of all the benefits, especially how nice it would be to be at my san francisco weight. but it was easier then -- i was younger and traversing the city involved climbing concrete mountains. now i can barely speedwalk a 15-minute mile. now i can't skip meals like i used to. now i'm a nonsmoker and don't enjoy the sped-up metabolism that a breakfast of cigarettes and coffee once provided. now i can actually afford good food and don't have to rely on a diet of top ramen and canned tuna.

but now i also live in los angeles, where you can never be too skinny. it's not that i hate my body. i've always been a curvy girl, and after years of struggling with yo-yo diets and self-esteem crap back in high school, i've finally learned to be comfortable and confident in my own skin. plus, i think every woman, regardless of her appearance, is critical of her own body. that's why i don't read beauty magazines -- they always make me feel ugly and inadequate. and i want to keep my soft shape. just with a bit less padding.

so it's just gym and i. jim and i. he's my main squeeze. and hopefully, with time, discipline and hard work, there will be a little less of me to squeeze.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Living for the Weekend

it's sunday night and i'm already so ready for next weekend. and not because anything spectacular is happening next weekend. i guess it's just them pesky sunday blues. it's them 40 hour work weeks. it's that alarm at 6:30am, with those first 10 minutes of morning spent rubbing my eyes in disbelief. i know, cry me a friggin river. i get no pity. and i know i don't deserve any. and i do like my job -- especially my coworkers, and particularly the ones who are reading this. (are any of you reading this? have you found this blog? no one's said anything to me yet.)

and i really like getting a paycheck, even though i've been throwing down dollars like they're hot potatoes. i think that it'll pass. i hope it'll pass because i'm spending more than i'm making and sometimes on useless crap. it was one thing when i bought a new vacuum to replace my rickety old one, but i also bought a wireless mouse when my old corded one worked just fine. and then there were the Coach sunglasses (they were on sale) and the Gucci frames for my new pair of eyeglasses (also on sale). there was that new shoe organizer and chic bag to hold my yoga mat (not on sale, but both were from target). clothes, too, and a subscription to newsweek. gym membership, organic produce, nice gifts for my parents' birthdays. i've graduated from the 'two-buck chuck' type of wine found at trader joe's to the pricier pickings. i even bought some smoked salmon and now order the seafood when i go out to eat at a nice restaurant, which is often now. it's big pimpin', spending G's.

it's been so wacky i've decided to hold off on my biggest bling purchase -- the new car. that will have to wait until next year, provided my jalopy can keep sputtering on. instead, i'm eyeing a new living room set. i hear that microfiber is semi pet-proof. i'm also eyeing that lady smith gun i've wanted for some time. ooh, and a G5 iMac. and there's more. i have a list somewhere.

when i haven't been living large, i've been laying low and relaxing. weekends are spent catching up on shut-eye and making love to my computer, and i don't mean through all the porn i have on it. i've recently procured some new music and applications (and fully legally -- i respect all copywright laws everywhere... umm... yeah) and have been fiddling around with my new dreamweaver mx for mac, which i hope to one day use for updating the rest of this crap website. i've also been trying to accomplish the three mandates currently up on my dry erase board: Relax, Breathe, Sleep.

there's been rented movies, including 'finding neverland,' which made me cry, and 'meet the fockers,' which made me laugh. and a documentary called 'the corporation,' which made me feel guilty. there was a barbecue at dave's (aka head dork) house and a sleep-over at yogaman's apartment, which left me itchy from his cats. there's been boredom, reflection, amusement and sometimes serenity. and there have been better days. and certainly worse.