Wednesday, July 28, 2010

One-Hit Wonders: July 2010

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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Elephant in the Room

i’ve been struggling with this post and too many times considered deleting it. i thought i didn’t really need it, that the people closest to me already know this stuff, and that in the interest of moving on i should just move on and never mention that whole breakup thing again.

i worried about writing something i’ll regret, recognizing that the way i feel today is not indicative of the way i’ll always feel. but i suppose the same thing could be said of everything else i’ve written here over the past seven years, so perhaps it’s moot. this is how the conversation with myself has been going — point, counterpoint.

but, ultimately, this is the place where i chronicle the events in my life. it’s as much for me as it is for any audience that cares to read it, and i would be remiss if i didn’t address the breakup of my relationship, which lasted five years and played a major role in my life.

the truth is things were rocky for a while and then got ugly at the end. this is due in large part to the fact that we kept living together after breaking up, a circumstance that made us forget all the reasons we got together in the first place, reasons i’m only starting to remember again with the help of time and distance. it’s a shame, because if this post were written four months ago, when we initially decided to split, i’m sure it would read very differently than it does today.

today, it reads more like relief than grief, more best of times than worst of times. nowadays, i’m happier than i’ve been in months. i’m sleeping better, enjoying the outdoors with my pups more and feeling optimistic about my future again. i’m not saying that to be an asshole; it’s honestly the way i feel. that’s not to say i won’t cherish the memories we shared and all the rest of that jazz, but they all seem so remote to me now, relegated to a past lifetime i no longer want to revisit.

if you’ve been reading this for any length of time, you know that Mo and i have played makeup-breakup a few times over the past five years and you may assume that this is just another one of those breaks. (lord knows enough of my friends have said this to me.) if there is any bright side to the ugly ending, it’s that there is no ambiguity this time. it is over. we are currently not speaking to one another, and as far as i know he has left town. so there is no longing for the past. there is some heartache, yes, but it’s more fleeting than paralyzing. on the whole, i feel pretty good.

though i admit it’s odd to find myself here: newly 34, one year from advanced maternal age, with no partner to walk into my future with. i’d like to think that it will all work out for me in the end — that i’ll find my prince and get my happy ending — but i don’t want to be naive.

i also don’t want to be a cliche, so you won’t find me on jdate among the countless other thirtysomething jewish girls, their clocks ticking, looking to land a lawyer husband. marriage is not my life’s goal. if it happens at all, it will be only once and to the right person.

motherhood, however, is a goal. thankfully, i have several years left before i reach menopause so it’s still on the table. maybe i’ll hit my scary age, visit the sperm bank and go it alone. maybe i’ll adopt with a partner later in life. it could happen in a number of ways, all of them equally valid. of course, my preference is that it happens the old-fashioned way, but i’m no longer beholden to that as the only approach.

which leads me to... dating. re-entering that world both terrifies and excites me. i dread it, but well remember the sweet possibilities it can bring. if nothing else, it should make this blog more interesting to read. though maybe not right away as i don’t intend to become anyone’s girlfriend anytime soon, but i don’t intend to sit in a dark room and cry either.

right now, my only intention is to have a fun summer. i sense myself approaching the requisite post-breakup phase of carefree days and endless socializing. and i intend to enjoy it because i know i’ll become someone’s girlfriend eventually. my heart will reconstitute itself in time and want to be given away again. there will be future blog posts filled with declarations of love and cheek-to-cheek photos.

but until then, the good-time gal is back. i am single and ready to mingle.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

34: The Party

cancers rule: because my house is still not ready to receive an influx of guests, the annual birthday party this year was (again) a joint venture held at Raidis’ house and featured a star-studded cast of friends who helped us celebrate our big day in style.

the style: i bought a red dress for the occasion — new shoes, too! — had my makeup professionally done by a kind neighbor and endured this hair treatment called the Brazilian Blowout, which is basically a relaxer for white girls that should make my hair appear freshly flat ironed for three months. in short, i spent way too much money for one night and only regret that i didn’t take my hooker look to the streets to make some of it back. oh well, drinking with Raquel was much funner.

more drinking: Nick and Chad are pretty fly for white guys.

the eating: in case you don’t already know, i’m slightly obsessed with bacon and actually missed a bacon-themed party my friends Michelle and Kevin were throwing on the same day because of my stupid birthday. a dozen bacon-maple doughnuts from Nickel Diner helped me (and Cerreah) grieve.

the twins! i’m not suggesting that all black people look alike, but these two really do. in addition, Phillip and Polly both have names that start with the letter P. coincidence? or just a coincidence? you be the judge.

cute couple alert: newlyweds Damien and Kelly are sort of perfect together.

another cute couple: Wade and Courtney are also newlyweds who met at a party i threw many years ago. i suppose this makes me a jewish matchmaker of sorts.

all the single ladies: Fellas: Grace is also single — and clearly stunning.

the magic chicken: in addition to my bacon obsession, i’m also enamored with a tiny plastic chicken that promises to make all my dreams come true. it works in the same way that a genie does, except that i can ask for more than three wishes. in truth, it works more like The Secret, where you set an intention and the universe delivers.

factory farming: the magic chicken is the brainchild of my crazy friend from espain, Juan, who has spawned quite the cult following for the little bird. there is a Magic Chicken FAQ, a facebook fan page and a customer support number. and here he is inculcating Ann and Justin into the magic chicken army.

Elliot with his chicken: the bright side to my Landmark Forum experience is that i made a friend there. thankfully, Elliot is good natured enough to withstand my merciless teasing about the fact that he continues to take Landmark classes. i’m hoping the magic chicken cult can lure him away.

c/o ’94, represent: i am one of those weird ones who still keeps in touch with her high school friends, mainly because they are fucking awesome. from left to right: Raidis, Marina, Anna, Sergio, Cassie, Mike, Valerie, Suzanne, Cintia, Chris, Nicole.

Sergio, Cassie, Deo: more high school friends doing what we’ve always done, 16 years later. ok, that suddenly sounds very sad. i swear i’ve made friends since high school.

here are some now: Felicita and Bumni ham it up.

there’s only one: the crazy espaniard himself, the chicken pusher, lovely Landmarkian, Keshot founder and long-time friend of mine, Juan Juan Juan, whom i love love love.

another love: have i mentioned how much i love my Ann?

and yet another: and also my Marina?

ok, one more: and Polly too? in addition to a few notable others, some of whom were pictured already — Raidis, Zee, Sharon, Grace, Zahra, Courtney — these girls comprise my life support system.

after midnight: i felt the love flowing all night, sometimes even overflowing, particularly when i slipped into my bacon shirt and was eaten alive by my friends.

what’s that over there!? with a little redirecting to the red velvet cupcakes, i managed to escape unharmed so i could ride out one of the best birthday parties i’ve had in ages. thanks to all who showed and made the first day of my life as a 34-year-old fabulous.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

One-Hit Wonders: June 2010

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