Monday, April 30, 2012

One-Hit Wonders: April 2012 terms inexplicably pulling up this blog...
  • bunch of beefeaters standing around and comparing hats.
  • can i take a shower after fever breaks
  • famous neon disco party
  • gossip interested face
  • my dopeness
  • she emptied her bladder into my mouth
  • "my yoga instructor" and "large breasts"
  • do i need a permit to remodel my kitchen in los angeles

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Conversation Chronicles: Dad's Birthday Dinner

dad: i want to drink for this country, thank it for saving our lifes.

me: second shot of vodka, right on time.

dad: if we were in russia, i would be dead long time ago.

my sister: here he goes again.

dad: it's true. i would be dead and you and your sister would be prostitutes.

{my sister and i exchange confused glances.}

me: well, that's a new one.

my sister: how do you figure that, dad?

dad: it happened to a lot of girls. and if i'm dead, it would happen to you.

me: i'll drink to not being a prostitute.

my sister: and now we'll be drinking to this at every family gathering.

me: yep.

Monday, April 09, 2012

Product Placement


cabin in the woods: i’m very lucky as this is my friend’s cabin, which she lets me rent at a reduced rate, but even if she didn’t, i would pay full price because this place is worth all the pennies in the world. it’s situated among redwoods in Russian River, about 90 minutes north of San Francisco. i’ve been there twice in three months, once over new year’s and again just a few weeks ago, both times with my best friend and gay husband, whom i went on the 20-mile hike with. this time around, we went on no hikes and instead filled up our days with home-cooked meals, bottles of local pinot, streamed movies, jigsaw puzzles, daily bubble baths and plenty of relaxation. if that sounds incredible, it was. the cabin sleeps six comfortably and is available for rent year-round. more info at the Russian River Hideaway website. make sure to mention the milla times when making your reservation.


while you’re there: drive to Calistoga, which is an hour east of Russian River, and hit up Indian Springs Resort & Spa for a volcanic ash mudbath. for $85, you’ll be buried to your neck in mud, enjoy a mineral bath (courtesy of Calistoga’s many natural hot springs), sit in a steam room, and then relax with cucumbers on your eyes. a very polite minder is on hand to provide lemon water and usher you through the experience, which will be one of the best hours of your life. trust me, it was amazing and a half. afterwards, go to Michelin-starred Solbar for one of the best meals of your life.


back in LA: you’re gonna want cupcakes, good cupcakes, for your next big event. i heart cupcakes is your spot. i assure you my bias toward this establishment has nothing to do with the fact that it’s run by my good friend and coworker Suzie, because the cupcakes really are delicious — coming in flavors such as chocolate ganache, dulce de leche and baileys and cream. you can’t eat just one.


photo is unrelated: but cute shoes, eh? they’re one of my favorite pairs. anyway, the last recommendation is for the super awesome Writing Pad in Los Angeles, which offers myriad writing courses, many of which i’ve taken in the past year. the classes are small, teachers are awesome, and environment is supportive. i’ve met some great people there — impressive writers and human beings (the founder, Marilyn, being among them). make sure to mention the milla times when signing up so i can get a free class and let me know which class you’re taking so we can take it together.

please remember that i’m not getting paid to endorse anything i’ve written here, which is a damn shame because i have no shame. but, seriously, these are things i really like. hopefully, you’ll really like them, too. and if not, then you probably have bad taste.