Sunday, January 11, 2009


i must have been one of the only people i know who didn’t want 2008 to end. everyone around me was aching for that ball to drop so they could claim a fresh start — a year when things would surely be better! — while i stood grumpy, almost weepy, wondering how i could squeeze another month out of the last few days of december.

a fresh start sounded awful to me. a fresh start sounded like an opportunity to fail. surely, i could never top the banner year i just had, the year of the shiny new house in Highland Park and new job that i was handpicked for. like a dessert you dread taking the last bite of, i needed 2008 to continue in perpetuity, maybe forever. but the days piled up like they tend to and selfishly, 2009 came in to much applause from everyone but me.

when it did come in, Mo and i were at The Verdugo drinking. the dj announced the countdown and the year flashed before me — the house hunt and escrow, the remodel and subsequent move-in, the LA Landing and 4th of july, the new job and down economy, the hits and even the misses. a second later, they were tucked behind the bookend of a new year. i leaned toward Mo for a kiss.

a week and a half in, 2009 has proved itself unremarkable. work has been hell, sleep has been elusive and i’ve been reluctant to stick to my resolutions, one of which is to take a yoga class weekly, particularly when i’m pissy about being overworked sleep-deprived. but my grumpy ass never made it to class. next week, for sure.

i’ve also resolved to spend less time in front of my computer. this is another one i’ve failed at. i worry that the only way to pull myself away from this warm machine on my lap is to subscribe to cable TV, a luxury i have not enjoyed in many years. no point in paying for cable, i figured, when i can get streaming video on my computer for free. if only books could stream MTV.

another resolution is to pay down some of the astronomical house debt i’ve acquired in the past year. extra cash will have to be funneled first to my parents, who’ve been watching their retirement savings plummet since the summer. this has brought me all sorts of guilt, given their generous loan to help with my home improvement. i’ve vowed to be a dutiful daughter and begin repaying them this year.

continuing the home improvement would also be nice, but considering the lousy economy and the fact that freelance work has been slim, filling my yard with those fancy, rare hedges i fell in love with at the getty center garden is unlikely. also unlikely are monthly massages and lobster dinners.

what is likely for me in 2009 is time spent with the same good friends and family i’ve been in love with for years. there will also be cozy nights at home with Mo and the furry babies. if i’m lucky, i might get one lobster dinner in there somewhere, and perhaps a weekend getaway to some place relaxing. and i guess that’s enough for me.

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