32

today is the fourth time i turn 29, also known as my 32nd birthday. it’s a weird one this year, mainly because i feel like i’m not ready for it. another month would have been nice before i arrived here, but given that controlling the speed at which time passes is not something i have mastered yet, here i am having a birthday i’m unprepared to confront. not that birthdays call for so much preparation, but they’ve always triggered some level of introspection and inventory-taking for me, which is hard to muster when i’m shopping for window treatments nonstop.

so this year the birthday belongs to the house. it’s the thing getting showered with all the gifts anyway so i may as well shave a year off of my age and will it to the house instead. so the house turns 1, or maybe it’s just being born, and i remain 31. i mean 29. hell, let’s just make it 25.

i did get a few worthwhile gifts, most notably a new iPod from Mo. it’s full of tubes and has the internets in it. anyone else interested in getting me a gift is encouraged to send a bag of money to my new home address. don’t worry, i won’t spend it all in one place. i’ll just dig a hole in the front yard and pour it in. or maybe i can staple it to the roof or cement it to the siding. and here comes the house getting in the way again, like it always does.

back to birthday, it’s nice this year i guess. overall, i feel fairly spiffy, fairly content. i see now that with each passing year, fewer things are changing so i don’t expect too much crazy this year. at least none of that controlled crazy of my own making. not so sure about the curve ball crazy life might throw my way, but i’ll deal with that when i have to.

my only real resolution for the next year is to start taking better care of myself, which means more exercise, less red meat and more facials. the problem i’m having with aging lately is the actual aging part, where my body and face don’t look quite like i’d want them to. not that i was so satisfied with them before but i have noticed the lines on my face deepening and more gray hairs sprouting on my head. sometimes i’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and be startled by it, like “who’s this old broad with pores so big you can swim in them?” then i’ll go soften the light in the room, take another look and feel better momentarily.

so yes. 32. here i am. and still curious to see where i’m going.