One-Hit Wonders: January 2012

...search terms inexplicably pulling up my blog...

• "first toasts" sardines
• gay smurf vanity
• magic chicken
• what are kitchen tables made of?
• monkey bathroom sponge
• medals awarded to irish pro treaty forces irish civil war
• low hangers peek out
• a feather toucher to a nouther gril to orgasum
• why cant i party like i used to

The Conversation Chronicles: Rotten Eggs

mom: so i was talking to some of my girlfriends, honey, and you know how we often talk about our kids.

me: yep. please don’t tell me you’re going to try to set me up with one of their sons.

mom: no, of course not. i know you like to pick your own men. anyway, one of them told me how doctors can freeze your eggs now so you can use them later when you’re ready to have kids.

me: really, mom? has it come to this already?

mom: have you heard about this procedure?

me: yep, i’ve heard. but can you not count me out just yet? i still have some good years left until menopause.

mom: but your eggs are getting older and that’s not good for a baby. you might want to consider this.

me: can we talk about this again in a few years or maybe never again?

mom: think about it.

me: ok.

My New iPhone

i know i’m late to the barbecue with this as the iPhone has been around since 2007, but i only recently joined the ranks of smartphone users. i was overdue for an upgrade of my ancient fliptop and when the guy at Radio Shack told me i could get a coveted iPhone 4S for a third of the price, my jewish pragmatism kicked in and i went for it.

i had been resisting this since forever as i spend enough time in front of my computer and feared the iPhone would become an extra appendage as indispensable to me as my laptop. and guess what? it totally has. i fall asleep with it charging about two feet away from my head. contrast this with my old phone, which i would often forget at home, leave in my purse and charge in the other room.

but this little piece of silicon and plastic with its easy interface, endless apps and very useful Siri made me its slave overnight. the one time i thought i lost it, my heart started pounding in a panic — not only with the fear that it was gone, but also with the dread that i would have to go to the apple store immediately to buy a new one at retail price. the thought of returning to a cheaper phone didn’t even occur to me.

i love this phone and the whys of this are well documented elsewhere and already understood by the zillion iPhone owners who came before me so i won’t bother going into how awesome it is. but it is pretty awesome and i think Siri is the hot shit. also hot and incredibly addictive is the scrabble/words with friends app that has kept me up late at night and distracted during the day in competitive word wars. (find me through facebook or username “millamoon” if you want to battle.)

but, of course, the joy of the iPhone is found in its many splendid photo apps, which make rubes like me who know nothing about photography look like ansel adams. i have been a photo-taking machine since getting this thing and very much appreciate how it’s allowed me to document my comings and goings. this blog, like my facebook page, is really a diary for me to reflect on and the addition of visual souvenirs is very welcome. not surprisingly, my dogs have become a frequent photo subject.







random people on LA’s metro also make for an interesting capture. sunsets, too.



i’ll stop here but expect a barrage of iPhone photos to start peppering this blog. that’s if i can pull myself away from it long enough to write a blog post, which has proven difficult in the past few weeks. dishes have also begun to pile up. but i imagine this iPhone overuse is just a temporary spike as i learn how to become a functional addict. at least i hope it is.

now back to words with friends...

Annual

greetings, 2012! i’m sure you will pass in a flash in the same way other years have provided you don’t end the world in a flash as some have predicted you will. for the record, i don’t think you will. i do think you’ll continue to shake things up as your brethren have in recent years, though i don’t think you’ll be as dramatic and i really hope we can be friends. i’ve always preferred even-numbered years anyway. did i mention how great your hair looks today?

are you as excited as i am about the places we’ll go and things we’ll do together? i’ve got big plans for us, plans that you will surely unravel and replace with your own machinations against the backdrop of mocking laughter, but as our time together is still undefined don’t ruin my reveries yet, ok?

before we look ahead, let’s look back at last year’s resolutions, which i did ok with overall. i certainly did much in the way of “fixing the damn house.” i also tried to “be a better friend” by being more available and hopefully did ok with the people closest to me. i did a piss poor job at “taking writing holidays” but made up for it by taking a few writing classes, which did produce some work. sadly, i am not fully “regular with my meditation practice” so this resolution will again appear on this year’s list.

it is a long list this year, one i started drafting in my offline journal back in november. that list had 12 very detailed resolutions that are too personal to be replicated here, though they appear in sanitized and abbreviated form below. it seems i have a lot of self-improvement to do. no surprises there.

• make healthy choices: this is really the biggie where all roads begin and end. it touches everything — from food, friends, men, work and leisure time. i’ve come to understand that doing the right thing is often the hardest thing to do, but that should never be a reason not to do it. so from now on, i will do what is right even when i don’t want to, which is nearly always.

• speaking of health: turning 35 was far worse than turning 30 in terms of that whole Aging Rapidly thing. i have to get a grip on this and plan to in the form of another meatless february (and maybe longer if i can muster the resolve), juicing regularly, meditating daily instead of only weekly, exercising three times a week, going to bed early, flossing every night and drinking the blood of virgins to attain immortality.

• debt reduction: this one will be tough but the plan is to cut my debt in half by year’s end. (but if the world does end in 2012, i’ll be so pissed i didn’t take that money to a tropical island instead.) my tax refund and work bonuses should help me with this goal as long as building the deck doesn’t run wildly away from the budget, and i’m sure it won’t. (hahahahaha!)

• publish or perish: i had been kicking myself the last few weeks of 2011 for not getting a single thing published all year and i refuse to be in the same boat when a meteor hits the earth this december. i simply must see my name in the bright lights of the internet (beyond this blog), and i plan to by being diligent about writing and submitting, while casting aside my deep, dark, paralyzing fear of rejection.

• don’t sweat the small stuff: i’m pretty good with this already, though i still find myself clinging to a few pet peeves that drive me absolutely bonkers. a few that kept coming up in 2011, particularly with the home remodel, involved being given unsolicited advice and being babied. these obviously speak to a larger control issue that resists people trying to take care of me for fear that it makes me seem incompetent. it’s lame and i need to get over it. i also need to get better at asking for help instead of isolating myself when i’m facing challenges.

i sense that this year will center largely on work and health for me more than anything else. i’m not sure why and i’m not thrilled about it as i’d rather put the focus on love and travel. i’m sure there will be a little of those sprinkled in as well, but not as the main event. i’m simply too focused on my other goals. now if you’ll excuse me, i need to get to work.