“THIS man is going to be the father of my children,” I announced to my friends before I had even met him in person. “He has to be. It’s not like I’m going to meet another one again in my lifetime.” What I meant was another man who had my last name: Goldenberg...
Thursday, July 12, 2012
So Much in Common, In Name Only
it's no exaggeration to say i've been dreaming about this day for years. when i meditate, i often visualize the things i want to manifest in my life. for this, i would picture my byline under the New York Times logo and Modern Love column header. it's a sight i've stared at with my eyes closed numerous times and to see it replicated now is surreal. there's certainly a more eloquent way to describe it, but it all feels like a dream. i've been thinking about dreams a lot lately, and if there is one lesson i will take away from the story of how this essay came to be, it's that the failure of one dream can lead to the realization of another. i hope you enjoy the piece.
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16 comments:
*standing ovation*
Heartfelt congrats!
Loved this!! How does one get published in the NYT? Do you have an agent?
Loved your essay in the NYT Milla. I'm Australian and stumbled upon your writing while wasting time online at work. Very entertaining reading for a Friday afternoon. :)
Heightism... nothing more original than that.
Loved the essay, congratulations! I hope that it's not too much of a spoiler, though, when I say that I'm German and it's actually "Goldberg" that translates to golden mountain. Goldenberg really doesn't stand for much of anything - except for a really good writer in LA!
So, that article made you seem incredibly, incredibly shallow and devoid of common sense or self-awareness.
Well done! Congrats!
And suddenly I understood why most of my girlfriends changed their names upon marriage: because they craved the same legacy, one that would extend itself under a unified family crest.
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In which case, they can establish the legacy through their name. Many years ago, in the months before my wife and I got married, she stately matter-of-factly that she would not change her name. That was fine by me since I could never understand why someone would ever change their name in marriage, and it never occurred to me as an issue. I don't pretend to understand why women continue to rationalize this practice, especially when their partner very likely would refuse do the same.
Loved your essay! I also tried a couple time to get published in Modern Love. Mazel tov. A few weeks ago, I had a piece published in The Tablet which was picked up by the NY Times Motherlode blog the same day. Hey, I'm with you on the name change issue. I tried to convince my daughter not to change her name when she married at 20. Here's the essay that I wrote about her engagement. http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-life-and-religion/103454/letting-my-daughter-go
Good going, Milla! I think I told you before that when I was married, my husband really wanted me to change my name to his, so I tried. I opened up a credit card account with my (our) name, but my new signature felt like I was back in second grade learning cursive. It felt awkward, and there was just this -- I don't really know -- maybe a foreboding? It just never felt right and I didn't make the change permanent with Social Security or the DMV. It's complicated, and especially so when a child comes along. For me, the issue always reminds me of the feminist principle to have real choice and to honor our sisters' choices, even if we don't agree with them.
Great conversation! Brava!!
Oh I wish I'd been more with it 30 years ago when I got married. I've regretted changing my name ever since. Congratulations MIla!
Are you kidding me? "He was 13 years my senior". "His voice sounded higher than I had imagined." "On the brightside, my namesake was fairly tall." Is this where we get to ask you your bra size?
Love your piece! I recently got married and did not change my name - using the chattel term often in my explanation of why not :)
I am amazing at how women in their 20s/30s are so eager to become "Mrs"
Hey, my last name is Goldenberg, too! Wanna go out sometime? ;-)
By the way, Edward G. Robinson's real last name was Goldenberg, too, hence the "G" in his name, and I've been told that I'm very distantly related to him, so, if that doesn't induce you to want to date me, well, I just don't know what will! ;-)
Congratulations on being published! Modern Love and Lives are two of my favorite NY Times columns. I really enjoyed your article and appreciate your desire to keep your maiden name. It's also easier that way. I've gone through maiden name, married name, back to maiden name and now new married name. Friends aren't too sure which last name they should use for me. Congrats again!
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