that's the new line up on my dry-erase board. my mom used to tell me that when things weren't going well. i think its origin is actually biblical, something like "when G-d closes a door, He opens a window." i'm looking for that open window at every turn, but it's as though i'm in a windowless basement with locked doors, or at the top of the empire state building with one open window and no ladder down. this is because the work situation sucks right now. i've made a whopping zero dollars during the month of november and my output has been considerably higher. there were a few jobs i was certain would be offered to me, but no cigar. i've sent out about 30 resumes in the past week and have zero interviews lined up. my temp agency is dry -- "usually no work comes in during the holiday season," so that's a dead end. all my other clients have also told me to expect no new work until next year.
so here i am again in the broke boat, sad that i can't buy gifts for anyone this holiday season. although i've enjoyed the noncommital temp stuff since graduating in may, i see that it's just not workable anymore. i hate the oh-no-rent-is-due anxiety that comes at the end of each month. i'm tired of the feast or famine freelance lifestyle, and i'm very done with living like a student. with that in mind, i've begun applying to full-time permanent stuff. adulthood sucks, but i guess i should join its ranks. i hear it has its benefits, too, like health insurance and 401(k) plans. if anyone knows of any open windows in any company doing any thing, e-mail me.
in the meantime, to earn extra cash i've sold some CDs to amoeba, clothes to crossroads and even considered selling a never-before-used ovum to a barren couple. they pay big bucks for that shit, especially if you have an advanced degree and are healthy. but, sadly, the age cutoff was 27, and here i am at 28. just my luck.
in other news, did anyone see ken jennings lose in 'jeopardy' the other night? it's the end of an era. i loved that guy. he was the shizzle patizzle, walking away with $2.5 million after a 74-day winning streak. he seemed like the nicest guy on earth, too.
my thanksgiving was nice. our plans got rearranged at the last minute, so it turned into a very low-tech night with just mom and pop and a small rotisserie chicken bought at the supermarket just hours earlier. we got tipsy off of wine and found ourselves making treacly toasts that ended in happy tears. i felt the love of the season, and told them that they are always number one on my list of things i'm thankful for.
it's cold in LA in case you angelinos haven't noticed. like really cold, near freezing temperatures. i'm hoping for snow, which i haven't seen in ten years. if i'm lucky, they'll be snow on the ground in antelope valley in a few weeks, which is where my best friend will be once he flies in from new york come december 20. it's been in the teens in antelope valley.
and lastly, ConfidentCopy.com is still a go and will hopefully be operative (and lucrative) in a few months time. still ironing out the details of the logo and still need to write content for the website.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Count Your Blessings
that's the cliche of the day i wrote on the dry-erase board i recently hung over my desk. i saw 'motorcycle diaries' over the weekend -- the based-on-a-true-story story of che guevara and his trek through south america. he and his buddy just journey around the continent for shits and giggles. they see crazy injustice all over: homeless indigenous peoples and persecuted communists and muddied children with leprosy. and at the end of it all, che decides to become the revolutionary he became.
i did feel bad for what i saw, knowing that 50 years later not much has changed in south america, but those moments passed, the way moments do, and my sympathy amounted to nothing. i'll still go on my merry way, having to make those tough decisions about what type of new car to buy next year, while others elsewhere in places i don't have to see starve. i often forget this, probably intentionally, as i wade through the minor melodramas of my life. i wish i could be impacted enough to turn into a militant revolutionary fighting for others' causes instead of my own, just like che, but i'm not built that way, and that's the reality i must face. i'm just not that selfless.
but i don't feel guilty for what i have. in fact, watching this made me very, very thankful. it made my troubles seem teeny tiny, which is likely their actual size. and it made the good fortunes that have befallen me seem that much better. i try not to take what i have for granted, and i don't think i do. it's part of the way i was raised. i'm an immigrant, and that has made a huge impression on my mindscape.
so with this and the holiday season in mind, i began thinking of all the things i'm thankful for this thanksgiving. i began to count my blessings and saw that they weren't so different from the ones i enumerated in last year's December 1 entry. in short, i'm a lucky fucking duckie, and this knowledge will carry me through the many more trips i'll surely make to craplandia: that place -- whether real or imagined -- where everything just sucks. i've visited there many times this year, and a few key people/a dog have managed to pull me out every single time:
-- my amazing parents: they're the type of parents you'd ask santa to bring you for christmas when you were unhappy with your own. without their support, i might just live in craplandia. i can't say enough good things about them here, because there simply aren't enough letters in the alphabet and room on the Internet to do them justice.
-- my GIRLfriends: i don't understand women without women friends. i'm completely incapable of surviving without what i've affectionately termed 'my bitches.' they have been my life support system this year in a way i never imagined they could be. they have listened to my rants, wiped away my tears, smacked sense into me and have never once made me feel ridiculous for saying, thinking or doing any of the things i've said, thought or done. big BIG thank yous especially go to (in alphabetical order) demetria, kiana, raidis, sharon, zahra, zee.
-- juice: i've said it a million times before, and i'll say it once more: i love my dog.
those are the biggies of the year who really taught me the value and meaning of unconditional love. i don't mean to be redundant by again mentioning the things off last year's list, but most of those items i still count as blessings today: extended family, other friends (guys included), yoga, books, music, etc., and of course, my new boyfriend justin who showed me, among other things, the correct way to do a downward-facing dog pose and that there's good stuff to be had in the world of romantic relationships, a world i considered abandoning.
the other thing i'm truly thankful for might seem a little less obvious, but it's perhaps the most important thing of all: my self-esteem. after all, it's the one thing that's allowed me to feel worthy of embracing all these blessings, which could vanish tomorrow. and if they did, i would only have my self-esteem as a guide to know that i could and should keep going. it's my incombustible rock.
happy thanksgiving, everyone everywhere.
i did feel bad for what i saw, knowing that 50 years later not much has changed in south america, but those moments passed, the way moments do, and my sympathy amounted to nothing. i'll still go on my merry way, having to make those tough decisions about what type of new car to buy next year, while others elsewhere in places i don't have to see starve. i often forget this, probably intentionally, as i wade through the minor melodramas of my life. i wish i could be impacted enough to turn into a militant revolutionary fighting for others' causes instead of my own, just like che, but i'm not built that way, and that's the reality i must face. i'm just not that selfless.
but i don't feel guilty for what i have. in fact, watching this made me very, very thankful. it made my troubles seem teeny tiny, which is likely their actual size. and it made the good fortunes that have befallen me seem that much better. i try not to take what i have for granted, and i don't think i do. it's part of the way i was raised. i'm an immigrant, and that has made a huge impression on my mindscape.
so with this and the holiday season in mind, i began thinking of all the things i'm thankful for this thanksgiving. i began to count my blessings and saw that they weren't so different from the ones i enumerated in last year's December 1 entry. in short, i'm a lucky fucking duckie, and this knowledge will carry me through the many more trips i'll surely make to craplandia: that place -- whether real or imagined -- where everything just sucks. i've visited there many times this year, and a few key people/a dog have managed to pull me out every single time:
-- my amazing parents: they're the type of parents you'd ask santa to bring you for christmas when you were unhappy with your own. without their support, i might just live in craplandia. i can't say enough good things about them here, because there simply aren't enough letters in the alphabet and room on the Internet to do them justice.
-- my GIRLfriends: i don't understand women without women friends. i'm completely incapable of surviving without what i've affectionately termed 'my bitches.' they have been my life support system this year in a way i never imagined they could be. they have listened to my rants, wiped away my tears, smacked sense into me and have never once made me feel ridiculous for saying, thinking or doing any of the things i've said, thought or done. big BIG thank yous especially go to (in alphabetical order) demetria, kiana, raidis, sharon, zahra, zee.
-- juice: i've said it a million times before, and i'll say it once more: i love my dog.
those are the biggies of the year who really taught me the value and meaning of unconditional love. i don't mean to be redundant by again mentioning the things off last year's list, but most of those items i still count as blessings today: extended family, other friends (guys included), yoga, books, music, etc., and of course, my new boyfriend justin who showed me, among other things, the correct way to do a downward-facing dog pose and that there's good stuff to be had in the world of romantic relationships, a world i considered abandoning.
the other thing i'm truly thankful for might seem a little less obvious, but it's perhaps the most important thing of all: my self-esteem. after all, it's the one thing that's allowed me to feel worthy of embracing all these blessings, which could vanish tomorrow. and if they did, i would only have my self-esteem as a guide to know that i could and should keep going. it's my incombustible rock.
happy thanksgiving, everyone everywhere.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
San Francisco Weekend Treat
finally managed to take that SF jaunt i've been talking about taking forever, but never managed to organize. well, it happened the weekend before last; it was marvelous, as expected, spawning all these elaborate fantasies about moving back there and resuming the life i once led before it was interrupted by -- as zee would say -- the architecture of the heart. i am glad i moved back to LA when i did, however. i don't think i would have gotten my master's otherwise, nor my dog, so it had its benefits. and i would move back to SF, but not like i did in 1998 as a reckless 22-year-old with nothing to lose. i have a standard of living now and i have a furry kid, which would force me to look before i leaped. i'd need a job first, an apartment by a park, maybe even a garage for my car. who knows, i might just up and move one day or maybe never again, i've grown to be happy in LA. in the meantime, i'll settle for my annual visits to the bay, where many good friends still live. (sadly, i missed out on seeing the NegEx this time around. catch you this thanksgiving, kid.) here are other highlights:
Chinatown rocks: or maybe it's a bit more easy listening these days, as evidenced by the violin -- is that a violin? -- player.
fancy fat feline: this cat had a moustache, no joke.
ms. heady: Dee reading the NYT during breakfast in the Marina.
who you callin' granola? Dee's breakfast looked amazing.
gay mecca: if you're a straight man having a bad day, you should go to the Castro for an ego boost.
one dollah to make you hollah: Justin tries his hand at hustling on Castro Street.
sold to the highest bidder: i can afford one dollah.
purty: flowers.
ken and barbie: i mean, Randy and Melanie kindly met me for drinks in the Mission.
my bitches: Loulou with Sharon (in white), my spiritual soul sister.
group hug: Me, Justin, Sharon, Loulou and Dee with beautiful Noe Valley reflected in the background.
Chinatown rocks: or maybe it's a bit more easy listening these days, as evidenced by the violin -- is that a violin? -- player.
fancy fat feline: this cat had a moustache, no joke.
ms. heady: Dee reading the NYT during breakfast in the Marina.
who you callin' granola? Dee's breakfast looked amazing.
gay mecca: if you're a straight man having a bad day, you should go to the Castro for an ego boost.
one dollah to make you hollah: Justin tries his hand at hustling on Castro Street.
sold to the highest bidder: i can afford one dollah.
purty: flowers.
ken and barbie: i mean, Randy and Melanie kindly met me for drinks in the Mission.
my bitches: Loulou with Sharon (in white), my spiritual soul sister.
group hug: Me, Justin, Sharon, Loulou and Dee with beautiful Noe Valley reflected in the background.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
And the Winner Is...
ConfidentCopy.com. I bought the domain name the other day, and things are moving right along. i'm meeting with the web designer this week and the first order of business will be a logo. this is important, as business is all about branding nowadays, and this logo will be replicated on my business cards and may be plastered elsewhere as part of an advertisement. so what should it look like? i'm trying to stay away from anything gimmicky or cartoonish. i'd prefer something more sophisticated, streamlined, minimalist. i wish i could design it myself, but my artistic abilities don't extend beyond stick figure drawings.
so...yeah, please e-mail me or leave suggestions in comments box.
so...yeah, please e-mail me or leave suggestions in comments box.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Halloween 2004
what a blast this year. i attended the best costume party in the city, put on by my former employers, the dorks at CFQ, and their partners, the makeup effects house Almost Human. unfortunately, i didn't take many photos of the costumes i saw, but trust that they were spectacular. find some here. below are photos provided by zee and nick. thanks, guys.
beauty and the beast: i got mad props from many girls for my outfit. yes, you see it right -- it's a dismembered arm touching my breast. that's what happens when suckas get fresh with me. justin is dressed as...well, we never really figured it out. just some non-descript animal with one big ear.
sheer genius: Nick dressed as Tucker Carlson from CNN's Crossfire.
apparently, two men groped Zee: Zee, dressed as the character from Audition and bathed in spooky lighting, with her own set of dismembered arms.
did i mention the open bar? Raidis, as a sexy french maid, and i took advantage of the free libations, often double-fisting our drinks to avoid waiting in the crazy long line.
the hand that got around: that explains the disappearance of Justin's wallet!
the venerable head dork: my hero Dave dressed as Shaun of the Dead.
beauty and the beast: i got mad props from many girls for my outfit. yes, you see it right -- it's a dismembered arm touching my breast. that's what happens when suckas get fresh with me. justin is dressed as...well, we never really figured it out. just some non-descript animal with one big ear.
sheer genius: Nick dressed as Tucker Carlson from CNN's Crossfire.
apparently, two men groped Zee: Zee, dressed as the character from Audition and bathed in spooky lighting, with her own set of dismembered arms.
did i mention the open bar? Raidis, as a sexy french maid, and i took advantage of the free libations, often double-fisting our drinks to avoid waiting in the crazy long line.
the hand that got around: that explains the disappearance of Justin's wallet!
the venerable head dork: my hero Dave dressed as Shaun of the Dead.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Indecision Over a Big Decision
the big news of the week is that i've decided to start my own business. it's something i've already wanted to do, and recently when i was talking to a girlfriend of mine (ms. zahra bizarra), we were listing off the things we really wanted to do in our lives. i always knew i wanted to be self-employed ultimately and then the epiphany: why not now? it was so clear and simple. i began to daydream of all the benefits: flexible hours; unlimited earning potential that will be a reflection of my effort, rather than a predictable amount i'd get no matter how i perform at work; no commute; no friggin boss; no risk of being fired for insubordination; more time with my baby juice; greater opportunity to travel on a whim; and more time to focus on my other, more important ultimate goal: writing. like real writing -- telling my own stories instead of others' stories, which i would be doing as a journalist.
the bad news is: i think i'm over journalism. i never really had that fire inside me to be a journalist, and it's not worth faking. i'm no woodstein. this might sound lame, considering i just accrued $20K worth of debt for a master's degree in the friggin field, but i think it'll help oodles in my new business endeavor, in terms of "qualifying" me to do good work and charge premium rates. and if i'm really honest with myself, i went after that advanced degree mostly out of boredom, partially out of vanity, and partially out of sibling rivalry (my sister has an MBA). also, that advanced degree somehow qualifies me to become a teacher, har har, which may be fun. so yes, no regrets.
but back to business: it will be a sort of one-stop copy shop, where i will provide copywriting, editing, proofreading and copy consultation services. it'll be geared toward all kinds of businesses and (graduate-level) students. this is stuff i know how to do, been doing forever and i'm confident in my competence. there are certainly many more details to this, which i am still hashing out. and i'm not under any delusion that it'll all be peaches and cream. i'm prepared for the hard work, crazy hours, sacrifices, financial instability, etc., that something like this brings. but i believe it will all be worth it. and i recognize that it will take some time before it really takes off, which is why i'm going to keep temping. so yes, i have realistic expectations.
the big dilemma: what the hell do i call this thing? i've been mulling this over for weeks now. a name -- that first impression -- will be so vital in attracting new business. i can't take it lightly. the problem is the world wide web, which is too vast -- all the good names for web sites have been taken. i'm left with the dregs. for obvious reasons, i prefer a .com over a .net web presence, and i want to avoid hypens. ideally, i want a sophisticated name, something that screams competence and professionalism, like The Final Draft (web site already taken). here is a list of potential names i've come up with, for which web sites are still available:
GoldenPenEditing.com
GildedPen.com
WordSurgeon.net
SmartyPen.com
OnCallEditor.com
WritersRemedy.net
AlchemyEditorial.com
ConciseCopy.com
SparklyCopy.com
ConfidentCopy.com
a preliminary poll of some of my most creative friends found WordSurgeon.net to be the clear winner, but i'm not convinced. someone mentioned that the idea of surgery is unappealing, and what i'll be doing is more polishing than dissecting, so it's not exactly apt. but PolishedProse.com was taken. someone else mentioned that the 'golden' reference makes him think of piss, so i don't know. words have weird connotations for different people, which is why it's important to find a pleasant-sounding name that will make most people feel warm and fuzzy inside. i don't want to appeal to the lowest common denominator necessarily and i want to avoid gimmicky stuff. and i'm not sure i want to include the word 'editing' in the name as many people have suggested. it goes beyond just editing services (also available are proofing, copywriting), though 'editorial' might be a nice, all-inclusive alternative.
i don't know. i don't think i've heard the right name yet, one that covers all the bases (and is amazingly still available online). do you have it, biyatch? best email me if you do: milla666@aol.com, and leave suggestions in the comments box. thanks for playing.
the bad news is: i think i'm over journalism. i never really had that fire inside me to be a journalist, and it's not worth faking. i'm no woodstein. this might sound lame, considering i just accrued $20K worth of debt for a master's degree in the friggin field, but i think it'll help oodles in my new business endeavor, in terms of "qualifying" me to do good work and charge premium rates. and if i'm really honest with myself, i went after that advanced degree mostly out of boredom, partially out of vanity, and partially out of sibling rivalry (my sister has an MBA). also, that advanced degree somehow qualifies me to become a teacher, har har, which may be fun. so yes, no regrets.
but back to business: it will be a sort of one-stop copy shop, where i will provide copywriting, editing, proofreading and copy consultation services. it'll be geared toward all kinds of businesses and (graduate-level) students. this is stuff i know how to do, been doing forever and i'm confident in my competence. there are certainly many more details to this, which i am still hashing out. and i'm not under any delusion that it'll all be peaches and cream. i'm prepared for the hard work, crazy hours, sacrifices, financial instability, etc., that something like this brings. but i believe it will all be worth it. and i recognize that it will take some time before it really takes off, which is why i'm going to keep temping. so yes, i have realistic expectations.
the big dilemma: what the hell do i call this thing? i've been mulling this over for weeks now. a name -- that first impression -- will be so vital in attracting new business. i can't take it lightly. the problem is the world wide web, which is too vast -- all the good names for web sites have been taken. i'm left with the dregs. for obvious reasons, i prefer a .com over a .net web presence, and i want to avoid hypens. ideally, i want a sophisticated name, something that screams competence and professionalism, like The Final Draft (web site already taken). here is a list of potential names i've come up with, for which web sites are still available:
GoldenPenEditing.com
GildedPen.com
WordSurgeon.net
SmartyPen.com
OnCallEditor.com
WritersRemedy.net
AlchemyEditorial.com
ConciseCopy.com
SparklyCopy.com
ConfidentCopy.com
a preliminary poll of some of my most creative friends found WordSurgeon.net to be the clear winner, but i'm not convinced. someone mentioned that the idea of surgery is unappealing, and what i'll be doing is more polishing than dissecting, so it's not exactly apt. but PolishedProse.com was taken. someone else mentioned that the 'golden' reference makes him think of piss, so i don't know. words have weird connotations for different people, which is why it's important to find a pleasant-sounding name that will make most people feel warm and fuzzy inside. i don't want to appeal to the lowest common denominator necessarily and i want to avoid gimmicky stuff. and i'm not sure i want to include the word 'editing' in the name as many people have suggested. it goes beyond just editing services (also available are proofing, copywriting), though 'editorial' might be a nice, all-inclusive alternative.
i don't know. i don't think i've heard the right name yet, one that covers all the bases (and is amazingly still available online). do you have it, biyatch? best email me if you do: milla666@aol.com, and leave suggestions in the comments box. thanks for playing.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Wanted: Web Designer to Overhaul MillaTimes.com
must be cheap -- a student looking to expand his portfolio might work best. must be local and willing to meet with me periodically. must be quick at getting the job done. and must be good at taking direction, for i shall retain complete creative control. send queries to milla666@aol.com, and visit the schlock that is millatimes.com to see your assignment.
you know craigslist now charges $25 to post a job ad? figured i'd take this route before dropping my quarter on it. someone must know someone who can do this for me. it's not that big a job, and it's something i've been meaning to do for months now. i would do it myself, but as evidenced by the existing site, i'm a crappy designer. besides, i no longer have access to dreamweaver. the only thing i'd want to leave the same is the home page, which i think is rather nifty. everything else is open to rearranging.
who can do the job? if you know, tell them to email me pronto.
you know craigslist now charges $25 to post a job ad? figured i'd take this route before dropping my quarter on it. someone must know someone who can do this for me. it's not that big a job, and it's something i've been meaning to do for months now. i would do it myself, but as evidenced by the existing site, i'm a crappy designer. besides, i no longer have access to dreamweaver. the only thing i'd want to leave the same is the home page, which i think is rather nifty. everything else is open to rearranging.
who can do the job? if you know, tell them to email me pronto.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
The Boyfriend
(i figured his serving six months' time made him deserving of a post his very own. plus, i'm sure i can use it as leverage for a nice meal sometime or getting the dishes done, saying, 'remember all those nice things i wrote about you on my blog, honey?')
onward:
i'll confess i had a hard-on for him from pretty much the get-go. i remember walking into this yoga studio in my old neighborhood, which was new to me at the time, and being instantly struck by the instructor. he was tall and handsome, with ocean blue eyes that shone out of his head like a lighthouse. a positive energy swirled all around him. he had a gravelly voice and magnificent smile. i was intruiged (but i was also in a relationship, as was he).
i kept coming back to his class weekly, loving the type of yoga he was teaching, gaining strength in my own practice, and often drooling while he folded himself up like a pretzel during the more challenging poses in class. we became friendly, sometimes flirty. we had dinner together once, struck up an acquaintanceship based mainly on yoga and on other common interests we soon discovered we shared -- eastern mysticism, self-realization, better-living-through-chemistry type things.
but the lust in my heart still burned brightly, and when we both found ourselves suddenly single, a friendly dinner led to drinks at my place. this was back in april, i think. at first, i thought little of it. i had a harem to assemble and i was thrilled to have him in it, seeing him as a sort of conquest. but then things took a life of their own. we began to talk, play scrabble, call each other daily. there was neither time nor desire for anyone else. i realized that what i long regarded as a piece of meat actually had a brain. he made me laugh, and, perhaps most importantly, he made me think. we'd have fiery debates, always finding something to dissect.
and ever so slowly, he made me feel, helping me transcend my shallow state of being and reconnecting me to what i certainly have always been: a one-man woman. six months later, this is a bonafide (and healthy) relationship. he's my boyfriend now (but probably not forever).
one would assume that the best part of dating a yoga instructor is unlimited yoga at my discretion, but it's not that cushy. while i was getting free yoga at the start of our courtship, the building in which justin lived and had his studio was bought earlier this summer and he was promptly evicted, leaving him with no place to stay and no studio to conduct class in. (luckily, he had a day job.) so he began staying with me; this was in july. and the unlimited yoga? well, he's "over it," having practiced nearly every day for eight years, teaching class five nights a week for over two years, he needs a break, he's yogaed out. it's all about dodgeball now for him, and that leaves me shit out of fucking luck for my yoga practice. so no, there are no sexy one-on-one yoga sessions, but i'm working on it.
and i'm also working on my garbage baggage, the dreadful issues i've always wanted to avoid but have accrued in recent months. i'm trying to deal with them independently of him, trying not to make my problems his problems, trying not to punish him for things others have done. yet i do sometimes find myself searching for that expiration date i'm sure is stamped somewhere on his body, and i worry about cheating in a way i never had before. but it's nothing too dehabilitating, and i'm pleased with what i got. take a look...
just minutes after we shaved a mohawk into his head
he's also a terrific step-daddy for juice
onward:
i'll confess i had a hard-on for him from pretty much the get-go. i remember walking into this yoga studio in my old neighborhood, which was new to me at the time, and being instantly struck by the instructor. he was tall and handsome, with ocean blue eyes that shone out of his head like a lighthouse. a positive energy swirled all around him. he had a gravelly voice and magnificent smile. i was intruiged (but i was also in a relationship, as was he).
i kept coming back to his class weekly, loving the type of yoga he was teaching, gaining strength in my own practice, and often drooling while he folded himself up like a pretzel during the more challenging poses in class. we became friendly, sometimes flirty. we had dinner together once, struck up an acquaintanceship based mainly on yoga and on other common interests we soon discovered we shared -- eastern mysticism, self-realization, better-living-through-chemistry type things.
but the lust in my heart still burned brightly, and when we both found ourselves suddenly single, a friendly dinner led to drinks at my place. this was back in april, i think. at first, i thought little of it. i had a harem to assemble and i was thrilled to have him in it, seeing him as a sort of conquest. but then things took a life of their own. we began to talk, play scrabble, call each other daily. there was neither time nor desire for anyone else. i realized that what i long regarded as a piece of meat actually had a brain. he made me laugh, and, perhaps most importantly, he made me think. we'd have fiery debates, always finding something to dissect.
and ever so slowly, he made me feel, helping me transcend my shallow state of being and reconnecting me to what i certainly have always been: a one-man woman. six months later, this is a bonafide (and healthy) relationship. he's my boyfriend now (but probably not forever).
one would assume that the best part of dating a yoga instructor is unlimited yoga at my discretion, but it's not that cushy. while i was getting free yoga at the start of our courtship, the building in which justin lived and had his studio was bought earlier this summer and he was promptly evicted, leaving him with no place to stay and no studio to conduct class in. (luckily, he had a day job.) so he began staying with me; this was in july. and the unlimited yoga? well, he's "over it," having practiced nearly every day for eight years, teaching class five nights a week for over two years, he needs a break, he's yogaed out. it's all about dodgeball now for him, and that leaves me shit out of fucking luck for my yoga practice. so no, there are no sexy one-on-one yoga sessions, but i'm working on it.
and i'm also working on my garbage baggage, the dreadful issues i've always wanted to avoid but have accrued in recent months. i'm trying to deal with them independently of him, trying not to make my problems his problems, trying not to punish him for things others have done. yet i do sometimes find myself searching for that expiration date i'm sure is stamped somewhere on his body, and i worry about cheating in a way i never had before. but it's nothing too dehabilitating, and i'm pleased with what i got. take a look...
just minutes after we shaved a mohawk into his head
he's also a terrific step-daddy for juice
Thursday, September 30, 2004
The Grind
nothing hot or exciting has popped up in quite some time actually. it's been business as usual lately. had this temp thing for the past few weeks, so that's provided some stability. get into the office at 10am, leave whenever the work runs out or whenever i want to, it's so flexible. the good news is it pays great, more than any journalism job does. bad news is that it's proofreading, and after a few hours of sustained attention to 12-point times new roman black font on a white page, my ass hurts and my eyes are ready to bleed. and it's real proofreading, not even copy editing, as in checking two documents against each other to make sure they match. the job has no soul. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.
but it pays, so i show up ruddy faced and eager each day, red pen in hand. the best thing about being a temp, though, is that you don't need to look busy or pretend to care. when there's downtime, which is often, i just grab the paper and spread it out on my desk, surf the web unashamedly, hop on the phone to socialize. and when my temporary supervisor walks in with more work, i look up, smile, drop my distractions, deliver the proofreading goods in a jiffy and then resume my downtime activities. it's so chill. but i think the assignment is nearing its end, which means maybe another week off before the agency places me somewhere new. it's not a bad scenario. i have no complaints, and no, still haven't heard from dream job yet.
for lack of that aforementioned unifying theme, i'm providing some news in short:
ok, time for snoozing.
but it pays, so i show up ruddy faced and eager each day, red pen in hand. the best thing about being a temp, though, is that you don't need to look busy or pretend to care. when there's downtime, which is often, i just grab the paper and spread it out on my desk, surf the web unashamedly, hop on the phone to socialize. and when my temporary supervisor walks in with more work, i look up, smile, drop my distractions, deliver the proofreading goods in a jiffy and then resume my downtime activities. it's so chill. but i think the assignment is nearing its end, which means maybe another week off before the agency places me somewhere new. it's not a bad scenario. i have no complaints, and no, still haven't heard from dream job yet.
for lack of that aforementioned unifying theme, i'm providing some news in short:
- i consolidated my loans recently, locked them in at a 2.85% interest rate, which is fabulous, and i managed to make the repayments begin early next year, so that's all golden.
- i was a bad girl and didn't fast for yom kippur like i had planned. in my defense, however, i ate very little and mostly drank coffee throughout the day. still, i kinda felt like an asshole, figuring i had enough sins to atone for this past year. i hope G-d's not too pissed with me. next year, i promise.
- i recently went back to USC for this recruiting event, which wasn't very interesting, but i did have a warm feeling as i visited the campus for the first time since i graduated in may. it really warmed the cockles of my heart, though i'm so glad i'm no longer a student. fuck that.
- yogaman/justin and i are still going strong (in case anyone's curious). we had a little weirdness a short while back but managed to overcome it. we were curled up in bed the other night when i realized that it's been close to six months that he and i have been dating -- SIX MONTHS! that tripped me out, more so because of the passage of time element than anything else, but shit, it's all been zooming by. it's all good, though, we're still all smoochie cutesy, poopsie whoopsie. and oh, did i mention he's been living with me since july?
- movie recommendation of the week is 'super-size me,' which i recently rented on DVD. it's about that guy who eats nothing but mcdonald's for a month straight. in that month, he puts on about 25 pounds and almost annihilates his liver. also enjoyable was the first season of the TV show '24.'
- got my ballot in the mail the other day. i vote in every election (ok, not often in the local ones), and i wear that silly 'i voted' sticker all day, proud of my civics contribution. voting for kerry this year. duh. found the presidential debate rather boring -- didn't hear anything i hadn't heard before elsewhere. hoping the next debate will be better.
- i love this cold weather coming in. i'm gonna try out new recipes and aim to make homemade soup weekly this winter. please email recipes to milla666@aol.com or post in comments.
ok, time for snoozing.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Back to Being Broke as a Big Fat Ugly Joke
boo-hoo. poor me, poor me.
alright, i got the requisite whining out and over with. i am bummed, however. i spent the past five weeks working at a place i really loved with people i really liked doing something that was really interesting. i wanted it to continue, got one extension, but alas, i was a measly vacation relief temp and they are once again fully staffed, so my presence wasn't necessary or justifiable. so i was sprung out again, with no promises on when/if i would be called back.
i think i might be called back, but the when part is the problem. and herein lies my dilemma: do i try to find temp stuff to float me in the here and now while i wait for that phone call from my dream job that may never come? or do i just suck it up and start hunting for full-time, permanent employment elsewhere?
obviously, when it comes to job and financial security, the known is better than the unknown. and this very successful media outlet i was temping for -- a place i've loved and respected for years -- is notorious for keeping temps in limbo for years before offering them permanent employment. they know there's a long line at the door; they know only the strong and hungry survive. and here i am with my foot (finally) in the door -- how can i walk away? it won't happen now for me, but maybe eventually. but maybe not. is it worth the gamble?
i'm really not sure, and this quandary has been consuming me for a good month now. it might not be so bad if i could find steady temp stuff that i could just slip away from whenever dream job wanted me back, though that would leave me at their beck and call. i would basically be their bitch. that might be okay with me in the short term, but again, the unreliability of it all, the thinning savings account, the fact that the first student loan bill arrives in november. yet on the other hand, the fact that it's my dream job, a place i've always wanted to work, a best-case scenario that can't be beat, provided things work out in my favor (which they generally don't).
advice?
alright, i got the requisite whining out and over with. i am bummed, however. i spent the past five weeks working at a place i really loved with people i really liked doing something that was really interesting. i wanted it to continue, got one extension, but alas, i was a measly vacation relief temp and they are once again fully staffed, so my presence wasn't necessary or justifiable. so i was sprung out again, with no promises on when/if i would be called back.
i think i might be called back, but the when part is the problem. and herein lies my dilemma: do i try to find temp stuff to float me in the here and now while i wait for that phone call from my dream job that may never come? or do i just suck it up and start hunting for full-time, permanent employment elsewhere?
obviously, when it comes to job and financial security, the known is better than the unknown. and this very successful media outlet i was temping for -- a place i've loved and respected for years -- is notorious for keeping temps in limbo for years before offering them permanent employment. they know there's a long line at the door; they know only the strong and hungry survive. and here i am with my foot (finally) in the door -- how can i walk away? it won't happen now for me, but maybe eventually. but maybe not. is it worth the gamble?
i'm really not sure, and this quandary has been consuming me for a good month now. it might not be so bad if i could find steady temp stuff that i could just slip away from whenever dream job wanted me back, though that would leave me at their beck and call. i would basically be their bitch. that might be okay with me in the short term, but again, the unreliability of it all, the thinning savings account, the fact that the first student loan bill arrives in november. yet on the other hand, the fact that it's my dream job, a place i've always wanted to work, a best-case scenario that can't be beat, provided things work out in my favor (which they generally don't).
advice?
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