seriously, though, if Bill Gates is reading this, can you please send me some money? i mean, you probably won't miss it at all given that you're a kazillionaire. and we're not talking THAT much, maybe 10K or 20K, which i can stretch out until i become gainfully employed. is that so unreasonable?
july has been a total wash workwise. no inputting of funds, only output. i've been trying to keep all expenditures at a minimum -- which is challenging, given my party lifestyle. the dorks in culver city i usually work with once a month suddenly had no july budget for me, so there went my greatest chunk of monthly cash. i would often supplement that with the odd copy-editing job found on craigslist, but nope, none of those seem to be working out either. so i've just been dipping into my pathetic little savings account, promising myself that i'll replenish it once the work starts flowing again.
but it makes me nervous. i hate being broke. i pinch pennies, complain about money, eyeball the price of everything. i feel like a punk. i'm not usually a tightwad, despite being jewish. so i've been busy trying to sell my useless shit on craigslist for a bit of extra cash. i sold the never-used doghouse that i was sure juice would love. she was terrified of the thing, never once stepped into it, even after i threw her blanket and countless biscuits into it. and i have someone buying up all the unopened alcohol that was left over from my bday party. i've also lined up an odd job teaching some lady QuarkXpress for a few hours. might have a few other odd jobs lined up for july, as i've gone on a few interviews.
but otherwise, nada, zip, zilch on the dough front. damn, i miss those monthly stipend checks USC used to send me. i would get $1,600 a month just for being a great student -- which, i was, kids: 3.75 GPA upon graduation. isn't there some kind of lifetime scholarship someone can win just for being a great human being? not that i would necessarily qualify, but still.
the good news is that august should hold nothing but work, work, work. i've got a temporary office job lined up for the first three weeks of the month, which is fabulous except for the hours: a ghastly 6am-3pm. and on some afternoons, i'll likely have to skedaddle to culver city to work with aforementioned dorks, who've said they'll need me again next month. ah, nothing like a 12-hour workday to remind you you're alive.
but in the meantime, i've had plenty of idle time to waste. my big purchase for july was an external hard-drive (80 gigs, baby!) for this here iBook, which was becoming ridiculously slow -- like, dial-up slow. so i shifted some stuff around and have been working on importing my 300 CDs into iTunes, which i will hook up to some phat speakers once i get the money to buy them. i've also been spending mornings at runyon canyon park, doing free yoga and going on hikes. afternoons usually hold a long, lazy shower; some homemade grub and coffee; and then lying down with a good book, often in the hammock justin (aka yogaman) kindly bought me for my birthday. evenings generally hold QT with justin on the cheap -- home-cooked dinners, a DVD rental and/or game of scrabble or rummikub. nighttime consists of...well, you can imagine...and then a relaxing sleep. all to be repeated at 9 am when my alarm goes off.
ok, so life's not so bad after all.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Thursday, July 08, 2004
My 28th Birthday Party
choose your booze: the bar was fully stocked and provided many alcoholic leftovers.
'it's my party': and i'll get as drunk as i want to.
the dynamic duo: Zee and Nick
lip service: Raidis puckers up porno style.
yogaman unveiled: Me with my (ahem) new boyfriend Justin.
dig my yard! Saba, Chris, Raidis, Justin.
ex's can get along: Juancho with his soon-to-be ex-wife Kiana.
the girl at the end of the alphabet: Zee and her beautiful bedroom eyes.
the furry chaperone: Juice had a good time, too.
hey, ladies: Chris is single.
whereas... Justin is not (and neither am I).
she calls me 'chinadoll': thanks for the wine glasses, Alsy.
my fellow M.A.s in journalism: Melissa (aka Gonzo) and Grace.
dig my living room! we move the ruckus indoors.
few are funnier: than Stevie (pictured with me) after a few cocktails.
fedoras and coronas: Nick parties in style.
burnt by the sun: Kiana's been incredibly tan lately.
my cream dream: ain't he cute?
the coolest gift ever: thanks to Garron for the Aztec thingy here.
Friday, July 02, 2004
When Worlds Collide
ok, thought of a story to share with y'all, one that i wasn't going to put up here initially, but what the hell? it's kind of amusing in a pathetic way.
i ran into the ex the other day at a starbucks in hollywood. yogaman and i were just hanging out, getting some midday coffee. he walks out to find a table outdoors where we can sit, sip and smoke. i'm just a few paces behind him, and i then i freeze, instantly recognizing pablo's meaty neck and bald spot. i look to his right and see his new girlfriend -- this crazy chick who lived in our old building. her dog is there, too, a huge mastiff named bella. he's with his new family and i look like hell -- wearing sweats, hair pulled back, no makeup. i stop to catch my breath. i had imagined this moment countless times before, played out various scenarios of maybe me mad-dogging her, perhaps smacking him with some biting and pithy statement.
and here it is, the golden opportunity laid before me, and all i can do is panic. it was a serious panic, as if i were in the midst of a terrorist attack. this crazy dread washes over me, making me want to both throw up and pass out. fight or flight. i feel my hand shake and grip my coffee tighter. why am i reacting so strongly? i'm at a loss, at a complete standstill just two feet away from the door, watching yogaman unknowingly get situated at the table directly in front of where my ex-boyfriend is sitting with his new girlfriend and her fucking dog.
i make my move. i dart out the door and grab yogaman's hand, pulling him onto the sidewalk and away from the starbucks. "we have to go. we can't stay," i must have said in rapidfire about three or four times while trying not to hyperventilate. i turn my head and lock eyes with pablo. he offers up an awkward smile and takes a drag off his cigarette. i don't look at her, but give her dog a once over.
the whole exchange must have lasted five seconds, but it played out in slow motion. five minutes later, yogaman and i are sitting at a coffee shop down the street. i explain what happened, probably very poorly, and then i get very, very quiet. he stares at me intently, tries to tell a story, change the subject, but i'm consumed by it for a good half hour. finally, he asks, "you still hung up on your ex?"
truthfully, i'm not hung up on him, i'm hung up on it -- the betrayal, the wasted time, the feeling that i spent four years with a stranger, deluding myself. i want out and over it, i really do. i don't want to be that girl with issues. those were the kinds of girls i would ridicule for being less self-possessed, but here i am with my very own set of hang-ups. they'll dissipate with time, won't they? i can't have them roaming around so freely in my brain, weighing me down, causing me to second-guess myself. i must purge them. i WILL purge them, damnit. i simply have no other choice.
i ran into the ex the other day at a starbucks in hollywood. yogaman and i were just hanging out, getting some midday coffee. he walks out to find a table outdoors where we can sit, sip and smoke. i'm just a few paces behind him, and i then i freeze, instantly recognizing pablo's meaty neck and bald spot. i look to his right and see his new girlfriend -- this crazy chick who lived in our old building. her dog is there, too, a huge mastiff named bella. he's with his new family and i look like hell -- wearing sweats, hair pulled back, no makeup. i stop to catch my breath. i had imagined this moment countless times before, played out various scenarios of maybe me mad-dogging her, perhaps smacking him with some biting and pithy statement.
and here it is, the golden opportunity laid before me, and all i can do is panic. it was a serious panic, as if i were in the midst of a terrorist attack. this crazy dread washes over me, making me want to both throw up and pass out. fight or flight. i feel my hand shake and grip my coffee tighter. why am i reacting so strongly? i'm at a loss, at a complete standstill just two feet away from the door, watching yogaman unknowingly get situated at the table directly in front of where my ex-boyfriend is sitting with his new girlfriend and her fucking dog.
i make my move. i dart out the door and grab yogaman's hand, pulling him onto the sidewalk and away from the starbucks. "we have to go. we can't stay," i must have said in rapidfire about three or four times while trying not to hyperventilate. i turn my head and lock eyes with pablo. he offers up an awkward smile and takes a drag off his cigarette. i don't look at her, but give her dog a once over.
the whole exchange must have lasted five seconds, but it played out in slow motion. five minutes later, yogaman and i are sitting at a coffee shop down the street. i explain what happened, probably very poorly, and then i get very, very quiet. he stares at me intently, tries to tell a story, change the subject, but i'm consumed by it for a good half hour. finally, he asks, "you still hung up on your ex?"
truthfully, i'm not hung up on him, i'm hung up on it -- the betrayal, the wasted time, the feeling that i spent four years with a stranger, deluding myself. i want out and over it, i really do. i don't want to be that girl with issues. those were the kinds of girls i would ridicule for being less self-possessed, but here i am with my very own set of hang-ups. they'll dissipate with time, won't they? i can't have them roaming around so freely in my brain, weighing me down, causing me to second-guess myself. i must purge them. i WILL purge them, damnit. i simply have no other choice.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
(No Subject)
ack, i've been so miserable at blogging lately, but intend to kick it into high gear -- which i've said before and never delivered, but no, really. problem is that i just don't have much to say. i don't want to fill this space with mundane details of my lame-O existence or deposit random ramblings that have (what i hope to be) undertones of profundity. that's a great word, huh? PRO-FUN-DI-TY. sounds like it could be a carnvial ride or something. Puffy should have changed his name to P. Fundity.
anyhow, i'd rather use this space for stories -- good ones, mine and yours -- but given that i'm super short on cash and have been nesting with yogaman lately, i haven't been out and about getting into trouble like i used to. there is a photo essay on my birthday party from last weekend forthcoming. and hopefully there'll be good news from the job front to share.
but for now, it's time for my midday cup of coffee and then a shower.
anyhow, i'd rather use this space for stories -- good ones, mine and yours -- but given that i'm super short on cash and have been nesting with yogaman lately, i haven't been out and about getting into trouble like i used to. there is a photo essay on my birthday party from last weekend forthcoming. and hopefully there'll be good news from the job front to share.
but for now, it's time for my midday cup of coffee and then a shower.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Awake
sunday morning, coffee cup and cigarette in hand -- ahh, the great american laxative. i'm very awake, very motivated today to do the domestic and mundane chores i need to take care of before dad's day dinner tonight. i'm wearing the T-shirt yogaman left at my place the other night; it smells like him. i've been all kinds of girlie lately.
and all's better since the last post. thanks for the lengthy commentaries to those who indulged my self-indulgence. moved on from it, into the great beyond that lies ahead of any setback. nowadays, i'm trying to steady my focus on the job hunt, as i need a major injection of mulah right about now. (if anyone wants to send me money, feel free.) i have some leads, but my jewish superstitions prevent me from discussing them too openly.
i'm also gearing up for my big birthday party this weekend -- should be a ball -- and monday kicks off my birthday week. that's right, i give myself an entire week to celebrate my life, so i'll be in a good mood for a while. i also have the entire week off from freelance work, which leaves me plenty of time to again do virtually nothing until july, when the dorks in culver city will call me in for more copy-editing. july should also hold a weekend getaway to SF and maybe that trip to new york, if i can squeeze it in somewhere.
shit, this post has been kinda boring, sorry guys.
and all's better since the last post. thanks for the lengthy commentaries to those who indulged my self-indulgence. moved on from it, into the great beyond that lies ahead of any setback. nowadays, i'm trying to steady my focus on the job hunt, as i need a major injection of mulah right about now. (if anyone wants to send me money, feel free.) i have some leads, but my jewish superstitions prevent me from discussing them too openly.
i'm also gearing up for my big birthday party this weekend -- should be a ball -- and monday kicks off my birthday week. that's right, i give myself an entire week to celebrate my life, so i'll be in a good mood for a while. i also have the entire week off from freelance work, which leaves me plenty of time to again do virtually nothing until july, when the dorks in culver city will call me in for more copy-editing. july should also hold a weekend getaway to SF and maybe that trip to new york, if i can squeeze it in somewhere.
shit, this post has been kinda boring, sorry guys.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
The Ex-Games
met the ex last night for what was supposed to be our first drinks date as friends. i suggested the idea, figuring it was time, that the four months apart provided enough distance and perspective to have an honest conversation. and as i'm steadfast about not making enemies out of ex's, i wanted to merge us onto the friendship superhighway. so we met up at the bar, exchanged CDs and began our chat, which was incredibly cordial, pleasant, with him telling me about his big trip to asia, me talking about graduation, yadda, yadda. it wasn't all that awkward and the conversation flowed. and in those first 10 minutes, i remembered everything i loved about him; i even thought of giving him a kiss (but didn't).
then something happened. alcohol happened. the honest coversation happened, and then quickly descended into an exercise in cruelty. it started with the best intentions, with us discussing when and why the cracks began to form (when i started school and had no time for him, which only worsened when he started school the following year), how we felt about being single again (both loving it, better at 30 than at 20), where we were in the getting-over-it process (healing, both far along and strong).
and then... i don't know. it got darker as we got drunker, and all the healthy honesty turned into an opportunity to shine a spotlight on all the things we couldn't stand about one another. it was brutal. he turned into a mean drunk, a belligerent ass, and i matched him insult for insult. and wow, what great insight it produced: his mother never liked me; he felt trapped and bored and wanted to end it a year earlier; i never felt the sex was satisfying and thought of cheating on him way before he cheated on me; he thought my writing was cliche; he didn't regret his own cheating and doesn't feel guilty over it; i thought his stories were boring; he thought i nagged him too much.
and trust me, it got MUCH nastier, but those details are not for public consumption. there were some low fucking blows, and i found myself frequently slamming my hand down on the bar table, which startled him, but it was the only thing i could do to keep from slamming it against his face. so i just kept staring at that handsome face of his, looking deep into his hazel eyes, trying to see behind them in hopes of recognizing that man i once fell so hard for. but i couldn't find him. all the tenderness that ever existed between us seemed to vanish, go up in the cigarette smoke we were producing. (ouch, was that a cliche?)
and i hated myself, too -- pissed that i sank into that mode of hurtful one-upmanship. we never said a single nice thing about each other. it was sadistic on both our parts, sitting there from 9pm until the bar closed at 2am, just playing this ping pong game of cruelty, talking about how wonderful our new (sex) lives are. saying all those things better left unsaid not because you'll regret them later, but because they're all true and carry the most punch.
we then spilled onto the street, by now fully wasted, and began a playful tussle. he pushed me, i punched him in the stomach, he put his hands around my throat and gave a squeeze, i just stared him dead in the eye. nothing really gets out of hand; it wasn't a violent exchange, but the intent was clear. we hated each other at that moment.
i come home, throw up and pass out. this morning, i wake up with the biggest hangover, my body dehydrated, my belly full of anger. i cuddled with juice for a bit, easily the best thing that came out of that four-year relationship. she's all i have, all i need.
i've been a mess all day, canceling my plans and just staying in, processing. it's set me back some. i IMed with pablo this morning, and we both apologized for our vitriolic behavior last night, coughing it up to the alcohol. we agreed not to speak or see one another for a long while.
but it's ok, all this bloodletting. i think it'll get me closer to the next level, where i can really let it all go. (new mantra lately has been 'detach and be free.') perhaps it was too soon to meet and try to be friends, but i thought we were ready. four months out, i really do feel strong and solid. there's no longing or desire to have him or the relationship back, hasn't been for a while. i understand the whys and hows of our split, and am very much enjoying the new life i've carved out for myself. i don't doubt all this.
yet i still need some closure. i guess it'll come with time, even though my rational mind wants it now. last night did much to diminish the sentimental love i still carried in my heart for him, but it shouldn't have happened that way. i don't want to replace that love with anger. my heart has hardened enough. i want to love without fear and live without baggage. a healthy life.
then something happened. alcohol happened. the honest coversation happened, and then quickly descended into an exercise in cruelty. it started with the best intentions, with us discussing when and why the cracks began to form (when i started school and had no time for him, which only worsened when he started school the following year), how we felt about being single again (both loving it, better at 30 than at 20), where we were in the getting-over-it process (healing, both far along and strong).
and then... i don't know. it got darker as we got drunker, and all the healthy honesty turned into an opportunity to shine a spotlight on all the things we couldn't stand about one another. it was brutal. he turned into a mean drunk, a belligerent ass, and i matched him insult for insult. and wow, what great insight it produced: his mother never liked me; he felt trapped and bored and wanted to end it a year earlier; i never felt the sex was satisfying and thought of cheating on him way before he cheated on me; he thought my writing was cliche; he didn't regret his own cheating and doesn't feel guilty over it; i thought his stories were boring; he thought i nagged him too much.
and trust me, it got MUCH nastier, but those details are not for public consumption. there were some low fucking blows, and i found myself frequently slamming my hand down on the bar table, which startled him, but it was the only thing i could do to keep from slamming it against his face. so i just kept staring at that handsome face of his, looking deep into his hazel eyes, trying to see behind them in hopes of recognizing that man i once fell so hard for. but i couldn't find him. all the tenderness that ever existed between us seemed to vanish, go up in the cigarette smoke we were producing. (ouch, was that a cliche?)
and i hated myself, too -- pissed that i sank into that mode of hurtful one-upmanship. we never said a single nice thing about each other. it was sadistic on both our parts, sitting there from 9pm until the bar closed at 2am, just playing this ping pong game of cruelty, talking about how wonderful our new (sex) lives are. saying all those things better left unsaid not because you'll regret them later, but because they're all true and carry the most punch.
we then spilled onto the street, by now fully wasted, and began a playful tussle. he pushed me, i punched him in the stomach, he put his hands around my throat and gave a squeeze, i just stared him dead in the eye. nothing really gets out of hand; it wasn't a violent exchange, but the intent was clear. we hated each other at that moment.
i come home, throw up and pass out. this morning, i wake up with the biggest hangover, my body dehydrated, my belly full of anger. i cuddled with juice for a bit, easily the best thing that came out of that four-year relationship. she's all i have, all i need.
i've been a mess all day, canceling my plans and just staying in, processing. it's set me back some. i IMed with pablo this morning, and we both apologized for our vitriolic behavior last night, coughing it up to the alcohol. we agreed not to speak or see one another for a long while.
but it's ok, all this bloodletting. i think it'll get me closer to the next level, where i can really let it all go. (new mantra lately has been 'detach and be free.') perhaps it was too soon to meet and try to be friends, but i thought we were ready. four months out, i really do feel strong and solid. there's no longing or desire to have him or the relationship back, hasn't been for a while. i understand the whys and hows of our split, and am very much enjoying the new life i've carved out for myself. i don't doubt all this.
yet i still need some closure. i guess it'll come with time, even though my rational mind wants it now. last night did much to diminish the sentimental love i still carried in my heart for him, but it shouldn't have happened that way. i don't want to replace that love with anger. my heart has hardened enough. i want to love without fear and live without baggage. a healthy life.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Hooray for June
i loves me my birthday month, and if you're local and we're tight, expect an invitation to my birthday party, scheduled for the last weekend of this month. i will be 28 and, oddly, this fact doesn't bother me much. i had my oh-my-god-i'm-getting-old freakout when i turned 24 and realized that i wasn't the new kid on the block anymore and that MTV slang now escaped me. that also marked my final year in the coveted 18-24 demographic, with the realization that i would now be grouped with people in their -- gasp! -- thirties in my new box: 25-34. well, it hasn't been so bad after all. things only seem to improve with age, largely because you quit sweating the small stuff and learn to trust life and yourself to take care of what's important. at least that's how it's been for me. i can only hope that my 30th birthday will come and go just as seamlessly (though i have a feeling it will make me panic a bit).
anyhow, not all that much is new. spent the week copyediting. partied some, have had trouble sleeping these past few weeks. the bad news is that juice has been sick all weekend. not sure what she ate, but i came home from work on friday to discover a ruined armchair and the realization that i would have to spend the evening in mopping every square inch of my hardwood floors. twas a nasty sight and she's still not fully recovered.
on saturday, i attended the wedding of my best friend's little sister. strange to see her all grown up and getting married, when i can still remember torturing her in grade school, a fact she constantly reminds me of, saying that i used to throw food at her in the school cafeteria. funny thing is that i caught the bouquet at her wedding, something that's never happened to me before at any wedding. but when i looked up, the flowers were racing right toward me like a bullet and just seemed to land in my hand.
saturday was also the birthday of three very special people who deserve shout-outs. so best of birthday wishes go to mr. david williams, the bestest boss in the world, a dude i like more with each passing day and year that we know each other (how 'bout that raise now, dave?); ms. sharon mor, my estranged israeli soul sister who's living a fabulous life in SF while i miss her terribly back here in LA; and ms. ann dela cruz, an old friend from high school who's still a friend indeed.
anyhow, not all that much is new. spent the week copyediting. partied some, have had trouble sleeping these past few weeks. the bad news is that juice has been sick all weekend. not sure what she ate, but i came home from work on friday to discover a ruined armchair and the realization that i would have to spend the evening in mopping every square inch of my hardwood floors. twas a nasty sight and she's still not fully recovered.
on saturday, i attended the wedding of my best friend's little sister. strange to see her all grown up and getting married, when i can still remember torturing her in grade school, a fact she constantly reminds me of, saying that i used to throw food at her in the school cafeteria. funny thing is that i caught the bouquet at her wedding, something that's never happened to me before at any wedding. but when i looked up, the flowers were racing right toward me like a bullet and just seemed to land in my hand.
saturday was also the birthday of three very special people who deserve shout-outs. so best of birthday wishes go to mr. david williams, the bestest boss in the world, a dude i like more with each passing day and year that we know each other (how 'bout that raise now, dave?); ms. sharon mor, my estranged israeli soul sister who's living a fabulous life in SF while i miss her terribly back here in LA; and ms. ann dela cruz, an old friend from high school who's still a friend indeed.
Monday, May 31, 2004
Fun with Firearms
i have this great photo essay already prepared with shots from my graduation and from the little soiree i had at my house last week with the annenbergirlies, but for some reason, each time i try to post, only broken links show up. i already sent blogger peeps a note wondering what the hell was going on, as i've posted photos up here before without incident numerous times. i'm still awaiting a response.
but in the meantime, i figured i would throw something up here because i promised myself i would blog 2-3x/wk. ha. so, what's been going on? well, still mostly nothing. been copy editing with my favorite dorks in culver city all last week and that will continue into this and next week.
the most interesting thing about that is that my bossman and the art director took me to the firing range on sunday to shoot some GUNS. wow, what a trip. i had never shot a gun before. it's really a singular experience that's hard to describe; it's like a bomb going off in your hand. when i fired for the first time, i had to stop and step back, thinking there was no way i could continue with it. but once i got over the initial discomfort of being around armed people in an enclosed space, i went to town and did pretty well hitting my paper target. i shot about six different handguns -- four different bullet types: .22, .38, .357 and .45 -- and learned their various parts and how to load each weapon. by the end i had broken a bunch of nails and was covered in lead and gun powder, but i was also kinda high. i felt the testosterone coursing through my veins; felt pretty damn butch.
and why am i playing with firearms, you ask? well, i've been giving some thought to getting a weapon for home defense. poor, helpless single girl like myself living in a one-story guesthouse with no bars on the windows needs some sense of security, however false. i've awoken in a panic numerous nights when i've heard a heavy-pawed animal making its way to my doorstep. it's sounded just like human footsteps on grass and it's freaked me out. i'm not sure i'm gonna actually get one. my (limited) money would probably be better spent on an iPod. i'm conflicted with it all. i mean, i'm a friggin democrat. so it's still under consideration. if anyone has valuable feedback, drop me a line or comment.
otherwise, life has been lovely. still feeling good post-grad, done a bit more yardwork and have either seen or spoken to people i've been meaning to catch up with for quite some time. i anticipate that the coming few weeks will hold more of the same, which is fine by me.
but in the meantime, i figured i would throw something up here because i promised myself i would blog 2-3x/wk. ha. so, what's been going on? well, still mostly nothing. been copy editing with my favorite dorks in culver city all last week and that will continue into this and next week.
the most interesting thing about that is that my bossman and the art director took me to the firing range on sunday to shoot some GUNS. wow, what a trip. i had never shot a gun before. it's really a singular experience that's hard to describe; it's like a bomb going off in your hand. when i fired for the first time, i had to stop and step back, thinking there was no way i could continue with it. but once i got over the initial discomfort of being around armed people in an enclosed space, i went to town and did pretty well hitting my paper target. i shot about six different handguns -- four different bullet types: .22, .38, .357 and .45 -- and learned their various parts and how to load each weapon. by the end i had broken a bunch of nails and was covered in lead and gun powder, but i was also kinda high. i felt the testosterone coursing through my veins; felt pretty damn butch.
and why am i playing with firearms, you ask? well, i've been giving some thought to getting a weapon for home defense. poor, helpless single girl like myself living in a one-story guesthouse with no bars on the windows needs some sense of security, however false. i've awoken in a panic numerous nights when i've heard a heavy-pawed animal making its way to my doorstep. it's sounded just like human footsteps on grass and it's freaked me out. i'm not sure i'm gonna actually get one. my (limited) money would probably be better spent on an iPod. i'm conflicted with it all. i mean, i'm a friggin democrat. so it's still under consideration. if anyone has valuable feedback, drop me a line or comment.
otherwise, life has been lovely. still feeling good post-grad, done a bit more yardwork and have either seen or spoken to people i've been meaning to catch up with for quite some time. i anticipate that the coming few weeks will hold more of the same, which is fine by me.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Afloat in Something
the week's end finds me well, still all smiles and levity, though i have gravitated back down to earth some following last week's apex. did virtually nothing all week. saw some people, partied like a rock star, and otherwise meandered through my days with no real sense of purpose. monday means business, though, as i have freelance work lined up for next week, which means money and that i need to keep my wits about me. after this much-needed week of rest, i'm looking forward to being productive again. i have milked this nothingness for all i could, so getting serious again feels welcome right about now. well, maybe i could use another week of this (maybe a month?), but with rent day fast approaching, i have no choice but to exit fantasyland.
and speaking of exits, we have another harem update to provide. just as expected, O. is out, and that's very unfortunate. simply put, he found someone else he liked more and far be it for me to stop his pursuit of her. we had a good run, though, and enjoyed many pleasant evenings together. he will be missed, but could boomerang back into the picture again at a later date. it was all good, no hard feelings or intense sense of loss surrounding the situation. and i'm sure we'll continue knowing each other in some capacity. but for the time being, i can certainly understand the need to move on in search of other horizons. so i bid goodbye to ori -- who i know is reading this -- and offer my most sincere best wishes going forward. mwa.
and then there was one: yogaman. so terribly el-lay to be seeing my yoga instructor, but that's what it is, how it goes. so far, so good. it's mellow, pleasant and hey, i get discounted yoga now. i think i'm going to float here for a little bit, take maybe a few weeks off from the dating to regroup and better focus my energies on other parts of my life. and truthfully, it can be a little overwhelming at times, this juggling. these past few weeks of overlap between O. and yogaman did present some challenges. it's not that i have any immediate intention of rejoining the monogamous, i just need to find my rhythm, get in a groove where things are simpler. it'll happen.
in the meantime, i did have a date this past monday, and there's potential there, and i have another date planned for the weekend, but i'd rather just place these on the back burner, file them under 'save for later.' even though i have all the time in the world lately, managing all this is like a job that demands more time than i'd like to give it. but all things considered, it's definitely been worth it, and i have not a single regret.
and speaking of exits, we have another harem update to provide. just as expected, O. is out, and that's very unfortunate. simply put, he found someone else he liked more and far be it for me to stop his pursuit of her. we had a good run, though, and enjoyed many pleasant evenings together. he will be missed, but could boomerang back into the picture again at a later date. it was all good, no hard feelings or intense sense of loss surrounding the situation. and i'm sure we'll continue knowing each other in some capacity. but for the time being, i can certainly understand the need to move on in search of other horizons. so i bid goodbye to ori -- who i know is reading this -- and offer my most sincere best wishes going forward. mwa.
and then there was one: yogaman. so terribly el-lay to be seeing my yoga instructor, but that's what it is, how it goes. so far, so good. it's mellow, pleasant and hey, i get discounted yoga now. i think i'm going to float here for a little bit, take maybe a few weeks off from the dating to regroup and better focus my energies on other parts of my life. and truthfully, it can be a little overwhelming at times, this juggling. these past few weeks of overlap between O. and yogaman did present some challenges. it's not that i have any immediate intention of rejoining the monogamous, i just need to find my rhythm, get in a groove where things are simpler. it'll happen.
in the meantime, i did have a date this past monday, and there's potential there, and i have another date planned for the weekend, but i'd rather just place these on the back burner, file them under 'save for later.' even though i have all the time in the world lately, managing all this is like a job that demands more time than i'd like to give it. but all things considered, it's definitely been worth it, and i have not a single regret.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Sank Into Nothingness
i did nothing this past weekend and it felt fantabulous -- so good that it gave me the power to create new words. and when i say nothing, i mean it. i didn't even get into my car once over the weekend, had little contact with the outside world, save a few phone calls, didn't go out in the evenings or do anything else that would really be considered productive. ok, i cleaned out my desk from two years' school shit, so that was kind of productive, but that's it, i swear.
most other moments were spent either sleeping or sitting on my ass cruising the internet. (i need new websites to patronize if anyone has suggestions, i'm bored with my lot.) i cooked every meal at home. i also watched the entire second season of 'the office' on DVD (hilarious) while smoking bowls and drinking wine, juice on my lap. that's the other big thing i've been doing: spending QT with the juice via long walks through the neighborhood or trips to the dog park. but other than that -- nothing. no papers to write, deadlines to meet or crap to read for class.
so after my big weekend of nothing, i'm slowly transitioning back into the somethings. yesterday saw my landlord and i spending the day in my backyard, trimming the hedge and pruning the overgrown tree. i'm going to try my hand at gardening. i must say it's very zen pulling weeds out, and i'm planning on spending considerable time out there making pretty flowers grow. i'm also going to clean my house from floor to ceiling this week and fill up my social calendar with either dates or visits with old friends whom i've not seen in some time. oh yeah, i guess i should start the job hunt, too. nah, maybe next week.
most other moments were spent either sleeping or sitting on my ass cruising the internet. (i need new websites to patronize if anyone has suggestions, i'm bored with my lot.) i cooked every meal at home. i also watched the entire second season of 'the office' on DVD (hilarious) while smoking bowls and drinking wine, juice on my lap. that's the other big thing i've been doing: spending QT with the juice via long walks through the neighborhood or trips to the dog park. but other than that -- nothing. no papers to write, deadlines to meet or crap to read for class.
so after my big weekend of nothing, i'm slowly transitioning back into the somethings. yesterday saw my landlord and i spending the day in my backyard, trimming the hedge and pruning the overgrown tree. i'm going to try my hand at gardening. i must say it's very zen pulling weeds out, and i'm planning on spending considerable time out there making pretty flowers grow. i'm also going to clean my house from floor to ceiling this week and fill up my social calendar with either dates or visits with old friends whom i've not seen in some time. oh yeah, i guess i should start the job hunt, too. nah, maybe next week.
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