Working Girl

the good and bad news is that i'm swamped with work -- schoolwork, that is. and of course i'm behind in everything. i've already asked for extensions on two papers, neither of which i have started and both of which were due this week. i need to play catch up in a major way very quickly.

so i'm imploring you, dear readers, to help me on yet another assignment i need to complete. this is fairly basic stuff -- i just need three story ideas. that's it. they're for my "comp exam," which is basically a 1,500-word news story i need to write for the school to show them that they taught me something in two years. it's in lieu of a proper thesis, it's on a pass/fail basis, and i need to submit three ideas by friday, one of which they will choose and give me two weeks to complete. help a sistah out by shooting me an email with some ideas (very easy, very basic stuff, please) of stories that you'd like to see reported. let's keep it local, as i'm obviously unable to travel to washington to report on bush and his wishes for an unconstitutional constitutional amendment.

send emails to: milla666@aol.com (sorry, too lazy to hyperlink) and thanks for playing.

Better

things have improved on this end, as far as my innards go. i had a couple of loopy days there where i thought they needed to cart me off to the looney bin. i couldn't cope at first, but now i've regained my footing.

i suppose my last post was a bit vitriolic and i don't mean to shut people out. it was just fucking annoying after i first split with pablo the wave of pity that came my way. people constantly calling offering everything under the sun, inviting me out to the movies, girls at my school running up to me in the halls and suddenly trying to hug me, everyone asking "are you ok?" and then having to retell the story, decline offers politely and so forth. perhaps i'm being unfair. i'm sure it was all sincere, but it was still fucking annoying, and lately i'm feeling twice as irritable.

i'm trying to go on like normal, trying to find furnishings for my new living room, trying to focus on my assignments and trying to pull myself out of self-pity mode. give me time with the last one. i need to wallow a bit longer and i know that falling apart won't do anyone any good. but it's hard to just "snap out of it."

the bright side to everything is that i've lost 10 pounds without even trying.

Bad to Worse

my best friend has cancer. i got the news late last week. it's lymphoma, non-hodgkins, i think. needless to say, this has been devastating. he's my closest friend, whom i've known for 15 years, three of which he spent as my boyfriend. we have so much between us, i couldn't even describe it. our bond runs unimaginably deep. he's a half-semester away from completing a master's degree at columbia university in new york. he works part time for UNICEF. he's an extraordinary person, one of the smartest i've ever met. and now he has cancer.

i don't know how to wrap my brain around all the new realities i've suddenly found myself facing. this is beyond difficult and i lately find myself unraveling. i'm trying to keep it together, stay strong, prepare myself for what lies ahead. but it's so fucking hard.

friends, stay the fuck away. if you see me, don't remind me or look at me with those sad eyes you gave me when i split with my boyfriend. if i want to talk to you about it, i will (though i probably won't want to). it was bad enough having to go through the phone pleasantries when everyone called offering their condolenses for the death of my relationship. i'm feeling less cordial this time around, and need even more time and space. if you must, send e-mail. don't expect a reply. sorry in advance, i'm just not feeling like myself lately. respect that.

if you want to help, find a cure for lymphoma.

Moved to Move On

doing MUCH better, folks. i think the worst is behind me and i'm feeling pretty strong lately. no more tears, in or outside of class. now a healthy sense of optimism is starting to sink in, spawned in large part to my new digs, which, if i may say, are pretty fucking sweet.

yes, i moved to a great 1-bedroom guesthouse in west hollywood, washer/dryer in the unit, dishwasher, hardwood floors, vaulted ceilings, recessed lighting in each room, pine cabinets in the kitchen, private YARD in the back for my dog, private entrance for me through a gorgeous french door, tile in the bathroom, new stove... so i guess i'm pretty pleased with my new residence.

yeah, i feel so mary tyler moore lately. these moments have been saturated with such sweet possibility. i'm not there yet, and i know it will take many more months of ups and downs, but i'm starting to heal.