The L Word

a few concerned readers (my parents) have asked me how my job situation is and whether the dreaded layoffs my company announced in march have finally occurred. sadly they have not yet occurred, and i use “sadly” here because imagine the anxiety of coming into work for the past two months wondering, “is today the day?”

imagine the whispered conversations with coworkers by the water cooler that go something like, “hey, heard anything?”
“no, have you?”
“no.”
“what do you think is gonna happen?”
“i don’t know. what do you think is gonna happen?”
“i’m not sure either. it’s messed up, man.”
“yeah, it is. but hey, i heard there were leftover donuts in the breakroom.”
“cool, let’s go check it out.”

tragic, right?

imagine the sleepless nights and wild dreams spent worrying about the future. just the other night i dreamed that i walked into work and was intercepted at the elevator by some faceless HR drone with a clipboard who led me into a room where a few dozen of my coworkers were already waiting. it became clear that the drones were leading everyone into different rooms where we would all wait to find out our fate, American Idol style.

through the glass doors, i could see Randy, Paula, Simon and that new judge entering rooms to tell us employees, “sorry, the journey ends here,” or “congratulations, you’ve made it to the next round!” some rooms erupted in cheers, others in wails. then they approached the room i was in and walked through the door in slow motion. i looked around to see whether i was in good or bad company and saw that others were doing the same. it was impossible to tell as there were bad and good seeds (and singers) among us.

a lump gathered in my throat as Paula began to speak. as usual, she seemed drunk, maybe drugged, slurring her words and ribbing on Simon. she even leaned over and squeezed his nipple before throwing her head back and laughing maniacally. confused looks shot all across the room and i looked over at Randy, wishing he would call me his “dawg” like he did during Hollywood Week.

then Paula became serious, steadying herself to finally deliver the news. i could feel myself twitching nervously, a panic overtaking my body as i waited for her to tell me whether i could still pay my mortgage after today. she was about to say it, the words rolling slowly out of her mouth while my heart pounded in my chest.

then i woke up.