Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Product Placement

this will likely be the first of many posts in which i will shill products, places and things that i’m into. or maybe this will be the only post of its kind and i’ll never do it again. i will rely on you, sexy reader, to tell me if this is helpful or a total waste of time (like all my other posts), so please speak up, sexxxy.

but before i begin, i should disclose that i’m getting no compensation whatsoever from the manufacturers and proprietors for promoting their stuff here. ZERO. this is a damn shame, too, because i’m a total whore for hire who has no problem with kickbacks and schwag, but since i’m not known around the internets for having a lot of readers or being a Blogger People Trust, i don’t normally get those kinds of offers.

this means that my promotion of these things is coming from the kindness of my cold, black heart, which believes that these things may make your life infinitely better in the same way that they’ve made mine. and if not, tough titties. not like those suckers paid me to be their spokesperson anyway.
  • speaking of titties: if you are a busty gal like me, head over to Jenette’s Bras in Hollywood, my bra purveyor of choice. the bras there are designed for “the overdeveloped and underserved,” specializing in sizes D through K. (yes, K!) their bras are all well-crafted, with straps that never slip and bands that don’t cut into your skin. i have found some killer bras that make my girls look positively perfect at Jenette’s. and no, i won’t post photos.

  • when nair’s not enough: laser hair removal to the rescue! i found a great place in Pasadena, run by twin armenian sisters, where i’ve gone for several treatments of various body parts (won’t post photos of that either), but trust that the change has been life-altering. getting lasered doesn’t hurt that much, so quit being a big baby about the pain, which is akin to snapping a rubberband on your skin repeatedly. just know that it’s ineffective for people with fine hair, so don’t bother going there if you’re blond as this treatment is only for people with dark, coarse, stubborn hair — probably the one time that having it has ever worked to my advantage.

  • my future ex-husband: i mean, my latest music obsession is a rapper known as Childish Gambino, who is also known as Donald Glover, the actor on Community. beyond being ridiculously hot and stylish, he is a talented actor, writer, musician and standup comedian. i have been obsessed with all his work for the past year and had the chance to see his show at the Music Box in Hollywood a few weeks ago, where he blew me away. i’m sure mega fame and fortune will find him shortly, so i wanted to score cool points by saying that i was listening to his music way before he got as big as Kanye. (and if you’re reading this, Donald, call me!)

  • mmm... barbecue: i recently attended a media event at Wildwood Ovens, a local spot that sells wood-fired ovens and brazilian bbqs to the public in addition to offering cooking classes and hosting private events. i was invited by the lovely food blogger Tuna Toast, a fellow NELA resident who was serving up drool-worthy churrasco and homemade pizza (in addition to wine). considering that the food and booze were free, this may be the only endorsement i have been “paid” to write, but the truth is that i really loved this place and am even thinking of hosting my annual birthday here. you should check it out.

  • self-promotion: i just added a followers widget to the sidebar at the right. please push the button to add me to your blogger feed and validate my existence. and if you need any freelance work that involves the writing, editing or proofreading of words, i’m still hustling like a whore in church (or, alternatively, like a girl who has impending home repairs), so send some my way, pretty please with a churrasco on top. thanks for playing!


Alllison said...

no tough titties! (just soft ones!) Me likey the post...

we should go check this out:

you may meet your future ex-husband ;)

d said...

I like Jeanette, how much will it set me back? It's probably cheaper than reconstructive surgery or a breast reduction!

While I don't have enough hair for laser, unless you count the buttocks, dont ask, do you know of any good threaders?

Wildwood Ovens: be there soon enuff.

Yes, overall, this was helpful.


Milla said...

ahhh, UCB. i've wanted to check that out, even though the line is always around the block when i drive past the theater on a show night.

@D: i think the laser place is in a salon that also does threading. for Jenette's prices, consult the website. glad it was helpful.

Anne said...

What? No photos of the girls? You can't write a post like that and not show a picture;).
Great post, made me laugh out loud. You have a way with words, my friend.

Anonymous said...

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