Monday, July 11, 2005

Goings On

it's been nonstop stuffs lately. i've barely had a free moment to relax and swing in my hammock. until today, that is, when i forced the moment upon myself. i tried to be all meditative and zen, allowing the breeze to rock me gingerly, but i couldn't just be. not with my mind racing as it was, the spider crawling up my leg, the pollen from the overhead tree landing in my eyes and nose, the dog from the neighboring yard barking at juice. it was the most frustration i've ever experienced while relaxing.

"fuck it," i say and head toward the door back into my house, the door that has somehow managed to lock itself. "fuck!" perhaps i left my front door unlocked. i didn't. i hope my landlord is home. he isn't. so i sit in the yard for a moment longer, wound up by my own volition, locked out by my own stupidity. "i'm a retard," i say aloud. seems like i've been saying that for years. i look at juice. i get the feeling that she agrees.

i remove the screen from my open kitchen window and begin to haul my big ass -- which hasn't seen the gym in two weeks -- over the filthy windowsill, landing feet first into the pile of dirty dishes in my sink. so much for relaxing.

in other, less retarded news:

-- my job is stressing me out. the magnitude of this stress should diminish soon enough, but i'm not a fan of stress in general. (i'm much more a lady of leisure.) it's good that i'm rockin my noggin and feeling productive, but it can be overwhelming at times. like being in college at the end of the semester, where you have papers to write and finals to take. too much stuff. i find expletives floating out of my mouth with much more ease, which is a no-no in such a corporate zone. my coworkers are also starting to crack, as evidenced by their responses to my questions lately. before, we'd always pow-wow and reach an informed consensus anytime an issue needed resolving. now my attempts at beginning the dialogue are met with, "i don't care. do what you want."

-- i saw the brazilian girls at the avalon in hollywood last friday night. go buy their CD if you haven't already. the music is terrific and the lead singer is a crazy babe full of mojo and stage presence. one of the best shows i've seen in ages. i think i might have to stalk the lead singer and get her to marry me. she is unbelievably hot.

-- in case you haven't noticed, is under construction and should be looking more spiffy in the coming months. my darling cesar, from new york, is helping me revamp this shit depot, and if i give him some adequate direction, you should be seeing a completely redesigned by fall hopefully.

-- er...the biggest news tidbit is something i can't provide many details on just yet, not until i figure out where i stand and what i want to say. but know that "the emperor" from the aforementioned tarot reading has indeed arrived and made quite the impression. these past few weeks have been intense. i'd like to say more -- and plan to say more, just not now.

keep tuned.

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