Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Light, Tunnel, Action

so close now, just nine days shy of graduation. still have two papers to finish by this weekend, and a bunch of finals to grade for my TAship. still feeling a little funky, but less so than before. it's funny -- after i wrote that big 'aaaaaagh' entry, i went to bed and woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. hope this reprieve is lengthy. it's been coming in waves; my moods can last for weeks. maybe it's my cancerous nature or maybe it's my subpar reaction to circumstance. but for the present, i'm floatin, and rather contently.

had the funniest of dates last saturday. this guy (S.) has been pestering me for about a month to meet him, always at the most inopportune times. he would just send random IMs at all hours saying 'let's meet right now.' he never wanted to plan a date, it would have to be spontaneous. so i followed my impulse, as i often do, and met him in the middle of the day. what a character he was. not sure if it was the 100-degree heat or midday bloody marys, but i found him quite amusing. he was full of nervous energy, which often wrecks my vibe, but i felt quite relaxed. he insisted that we whisper our conversation because he's always paranoid that someone else will be listening in because he always listens in on other people's conversations. so we had to scoot in and talk quietly as he rubbed his thigh against mine while asking the most inappropriate questions, telling the most bizarre stories and constantly fidgeting around. he had a weird thing with pheromones and spent considerable time trying to sniff me. i was just laughing. he was super strange, but in a nonthreatening, wholly entertaining kind of way. i ducked out after about an hour and he's been pestering me for another meeting since. not sure that i'll have another impulse for it, but i may just do it again for another cheap laugh.

in other news, i made my contribution to a safer society by getting an HIV test -- negative. now that i've re-entered the risky, slutty world of (internet) dating, i figure it's only right to be conscientious of these things. even though i didn't really have cause for alarm, that waiting for the results, man, so grueling. anyone's who has lasted through it knows what i mean. your head can create all kinds of unlikely scenarios for infection. i felt queasy until the nurse lady put that paper in my hand -- negative -- and then i felt exhilirated. wanted to staple that paper onto my forehead.

i used to think that that was the worst part of being single, the not really knowing where your partners have been, but after being cheated on, i'm not sure of that anymore. the worst part of it all, for me, has had more to do with the little things: the struggle to open a jar, carrying a 40-pound bag of dog food in from the car, killing spiders perched in high places -- stuff like that. the other stuff i've come to enjoy: walking into an empty house where all my shit's my way, sleeping spread-eagle in the center of the bed (well, juice usually thwarts that plan), and, of course, being accountable to only myself.

and yes, for those wondering, i now have full custody of the juice. ex and i were doing joint custody initially, poor doggy of divorce, but now she's all mine, the way she should be. kids are usually better off staying with the mother; plus, she always loved me more. ha!

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