Date From Hell #1

hopefully, there won't be too many more of these, but i figured i would quantify them. i should have know better, of course, as this was the guy who stood me up before. if that's not a red flag, i don't know what is, but i've always had a thing for scorpios and he was all kinds of apologetic and "give me a second chance, baby" and so forth, and i am actually a believer in second chances (though not third ones), so i acquiesced.

he (T.) was late, i was annoyed. and when he arrived he said i didn't give him the correct directions to the bar, which was bullshit, and i told him i could prove i did since i save all my chatroom exchanges. he freaked out and asked why i saved them. on a whim i said i was writing a book on internet dating, which i have been considering, and he freaked out even more.

moving on, we moved to drinks and stilted conversation which saw him going off on boring tangents about his own life. i listened as much as i could, chirping in here and there, but nothing he said really piqued my interest. at some point, i casually mentioned that i had a bowl at home which i had planned to smoke while watching 'school of rock' and hanging out with juice. (those were the evening plans he railroaded.) he then becomes convinced that we must go back to my place and smoke it and tries to convince me of this new plan. not a chance in hell.

then the conversation veers toward current events, namely the kobe bryant rape trial. can you guess where this is heading? we begin to argue, him saying the accuser was some slut who went up to his room so she knew what she was getting herself into, while i say that she could have been walking around naked in the locker room and that still doesn't give him the right to rape her. now i don't purport to know what really happened, no one can, but just the fact that he was saying she must be lying "because women lie about these things" got my engine going, and i was ready for war. we bandied it back and forth, him talking about her character and me saying that character has little to do with crime. and then when the character conversation took us to the gropinator, cali's new governor, things really went to hell.

he was convinced that all the groping accusations were no big deal, so i said i hope that he one day experiences the 'no big deal' of an enormous man grabbing his nuts without warning or invite. "feel the humiliation and violation that comes with that and then tell me it's no big deal," i told him, my eyes now fiery and my speech peppered with expletives. i also told him i hope he gets himself into a hairy mess one day, where a dick gets shoved up his ass and no one will believe him.

he then said that arnold was a shithead anyway because he couldn't speak english properly, which must make him stupid. "why can't he just get rid of his accent like actors like russell crowe can when he does movies?" whaaa? i mean, to connect an accent with IQ was the stupidiest thing i've ever heard of, and i told him so. "besides, english wasn't arnold's first language, like it was russell crowe's. it makes a difference in accent reduction." what a fucking idiot.

so then he lost his keys for some reason after both of us lost our tempers, our voices rising in the bar, though it never turned into a nasty scene. once he found his keys again, we exited the bar, looked at each other briefly, scowls on our faces, before simply walking in opposite directions without another word exchanged.

i came home, smoked my bowl and watched 'school of rock' with juice, as i should have done from the get-go. i don't regret the night, though. it will make a great story for my book.